There’s only one relationship that persists through thick and thin, no matter what: the one you have with yourself. In the most literal sense, it’s true. People can come and go, and not every great romance is really that great. At times, you might look back and wonder what was even going through your head.
When it comes to your love affair with yourself, it’s not like dealing with a mirage or artifact: you’re the whole picture. Past, present and future. Where everything else might end up like a faded painting, you are always in technicolor. The notion that our relationship with ourselves is one that should be nurtured and maintained begs the question: how many of the rules of dating apply?
The regular norms of dating and long-term commitment tend not to apply in this situation. You can’t drunk call yourself (a voice memo might work though). You can’t really ever take a Ross-and-Rachel-style break. The real key to making this relationship work is a daily dose of self-love — a shot from Cupid’s arrow in your own behind. You must subscribe to one of the most classic romantic adages: never stop dating yourself. Never stop getting to know yourself. Never stop growing with yourself.
Most importantly, always have a crush on yourself.
The early stages of a crush are a whirlwind of daydreaming, kicking feet and stolen glimpses — channeling that feeling in towards yourself is where things get tricky. After all, you see yourself every day. It’s a lot harder to become enamored by each little habit when you’re no longer awaiting a surprise. In a lot of ways, the way we act in romantic scenarios mimics how we ought to act in life. When you see that special someone, you tend to dress up a little extra. A hallway crush gives you butterflies and makes mundanities romantic. But what if we looked in the mirror each day and got butterflies? Or wanted to get to know ourselves over a cup of coffee?
We often think we might not deserve the best things, or that we don’t qualify for a special opportunity, or that we’re not cool enough to pull off a certain outfit. But when you see yourself in the most romantic pink light, everything can get flipped on its head. You stop wondering when the honeymoon phase will end and start trying to keep it going. No longer will you think about what you could change about yourself. What you love about yourself is the new mantra of self-inflicted romance. Thinking that you deserve everything, belong in every space and are just that girl, is how you open yourself to opportunity. And like any loving relationship, it all begins with a crush.
A hallway crush, a class crush, a dining hall crush and hometown crush. When you start crushing on someone, you idealize them to the extreme. Everything they do becomes a sign, everything they say becomes banter. We propel people to the moon because we see a lovely kind of potential in them. It’s powerful stuff. A good crush can skew the senses and imbue you with an elixir of delusion; however, it can become productive when you use it for inner confidence.
Oftentimes, I am the pilot of my own demise. I point out flaws that nobody would have even noticed. It took an eternity of misguided missions to realize that my mind was receiving the loudest feedback. I would swirl with anguish over everything that was going wrong, and too late I realized I had to rewire the narratives I was feeding myself. I would always say, “God Ishaani, what are you wearing?” Now, it’s become, “Ishaani, girl, I missed you!”
Take yourself on a date and see what you have to say. When we really start listening to ourselves, great ideas surface. You never know what you’re capable of until you give yourself the chance. A date you might never have gone on could end up being the best one of your life — your other half has been right here all along.
I used to tell people that as soon as I woke up each day, I knew if it was going to be a “good day” or a “bad day.” They’d think it was psychic fate or a hair in my coffee (I’d switch up my reasoning from time to time). But really, it was my own doomed prophecy. The fate of my day rested on the fragile shoulders of my own self-esteem: did I deserve to have a good day? The winds kept taking me from fleeting crush to short-lived romance until I realized that the one relationship I hadn’t nurtured was the one I had with myself. Each day could have been a “good day.” I just didn’t know it yet.
The first change began with a smile. I smiled at myself and was positively enamored with who was smiling back. Like, who is that girl? I want to get to know her.