Coulter's visit is a colossal miscalculation

Ann Coulter is a relic, a bigot, a mystery, a firebrand, a slipped disc, a wrenching gear, a fountain that does not trickle but rather vomits apoplectic sarcasm and such impossibly acidic bile that one wonders how such a substance could ever be contained by a creature of — as best as we can tell — the same mere flesh and blood that makes all human beings.

I feel it is important to provide a short gloss of Coulter’s historical attitudes, so those just now learning of her impending visit might have a fair sense of what to expect, in both form and substance, from her lecture.

This woman has made a spectacle by saying “liberals are driven by Satan and lie constantly;” “there should be a literacy test and a poll tax for people who vote;” “all terrorists are Muslims;” “we should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity;” “it would be a much better country if women did not vote;” “news magazines don’t kill people, Muslims do;” and, astonishingly, “I’m not a big fan of the First Amendment.”

True enough, I sometimes feel compelled to allow some negligence of the First Amendment in the cases of such people whom even Bill O’Reilly thinks “do conservatives more harm than good.” But I fear censoring Coulter would do little to assuage this nausea I now feel, knowing since childhood that though monsters might not lurk beneath the bed, the fountainheads of evil do live among us and always shall. And in today’s political climate, Coulter’s voice, though declining in professional dignity and in television ratings, is perhaps still the loudest of the fountainheads.

That is all I wish to say, and all I think I can stomach saying, about the guest we will receive next Tuesday. Nor will I criticize the administrative sultans of Cal Poly, as some already have, for permitting such a person to speak sans any of the suspicious fetters that plagued Michael Pollan some years ago.

Instead, I’d like to question the wisdom of the Cal Poly College Republicans in inviting a famously attention-crazed fascist demagogue to sermonize to our happily unimportant farm town.

Coulter does not work for free, and for a club to muster up the considerable dollars to bring her here — money that one hopes would otherwise have gone to a grandiose barbeque or else some entrepreneurial escapade — is impressive. There is something to be said for attracting visible figures to promote a campus club, but in the case of a group whose constituents are likely only so because membership lends some more breadth to their business administration or agriculture degrees, sponsoring a public damning of women, gays, minorities and the First Amendment seems like a reckless waste of money.

What’s worse is the pertinence of larger-than-life opinionists such as Coulter is rapidly diminishing in today’s populist news arenas. People who exist solely to rock the boat without recompense, people such as Sarah Palin or Coulter, offer vitriol without catharsis. They must continually be at odds with a progressive, liberalizing society in order to keep their hate speech in the shadows of relevance. Their angsty sermons and lectures, aimed at the most impregnable minds, are like sadistic corruptions of pop music: deliciously catchy for now, but alarmingly out of fashion even a short time later.

It worries me that the Cal Poly College Republicans are treating Coulter’s visit more like some kind of messianic deliverance and less like a spicy meatball sandwich to be regretted later.

Brendan Pringle’s articles, when I read them, contain sophomoric and often inane arguments, but they are always carefully written and they hum of research. A similarly careful student organization, it seems to me, would not dare to predicate its reputation and recruitment prospects on simple shock value.

So when this situation gets out of hand, when Coulter’s mouth expels some especially atrocious slur — as it is known to do on her university tours — who will admit to gross irresponsibility during the ensuing demonstrations? I feel compelled to remind that the news generated from 2008’s incident involving hate speech at the Crops House is permanent in the Internet’s memory, and remains highly associated with Cal Poly’s search results.

Those of you who choose to attend Coulter’s lecture will no doubt witness me squirming in my seat throughout the duration, and I will gladly welcome company from liberals and conservatives alike as I ravish a cigarette at the conclusion. But while I know my sensitive stomach will recover after all is said and done, I will have nothing but pity for the Cal Poly College Republicans, whom are all far too young to have bragged about attending an Coulter lecture.