On Feb. 16, the Native American and Indigenous Cultural Center (NAICC) and the Pride Center hosted a “Decolonizing Love” panel in celebration of Valentine’s Day. Students gathered in a circle on couches to discuss heteronormativity and how gender expression plays a role in romantic relationships.
The event featured four student panelists: psychology graduate student Kelly Nola, mathematics senior Sara Sexton, public health senior Nathalie Zamora and journalism freshman Giselle Espinoza. Nola moderated the event and asked panelists a set of questions. Each panelist answered, and often added onto each other’s thoughts.
Nola kicked off the event by outlining the goal of the panel.
“We hope to challenge the heteronormative expectations surrounding Valentine’s Day and discuss how gender roles and expression also play a part,” Nola said.
Participants shared their ideas around love and its meaning. Sexton said that love is generally defined as “sex, exclusivity and marriage,” in a traditional setting.
“There is an implicit expectation of marriage and children,” Sexton said. “However, this can take away from “personal connection and growth in a relationship.”
As members of the queer community, a few of the panelists debunked heteronormative spheres of thought, which is often exacerbated by Valentine’s Day.
“Even in a same sex relationship, there is an expectation that one person is more feminine, and one is masculine,” Nola said. “This has been difficult for me because I don’t really feel like either gender.”
Cheryl Flores, the NAICC coordinator, agreed that this belief is harmful.
“When people see me and my wife, they assume that she is more masculine. But that’s not the case at all,” Flores said. “It’s harmful that people have these standards of how all relationships should be.”
Espinoza mentioned when she came out in high school, her best friend’s initial reaction was to ask if she had a crush on her.
“It made me feel ashamed for sharing who I am,” she said.
Other panelists experienced similar feelings when coming out, and Zamora discussed how BIPOC and queer communities have historically been hypersexualized. This contributes to the stigma around coming out.
“People of color have always been seen as almost subhuman, like they are temptresses,” Zamora said.
The panel also discussed how platonic love has been decolonized.
“The indigenous perspective is valuable to platonic love, because it sees love as way more than sex or marriage,” Zamora said.
To attend future events, visit the Cal Poly NAICC and Cal Poly Pride Instagram pages.