Georgie de Mattos/ Mustang News

The month of love is upon us — humbly, I’ve put together a list of quiet predictions and fitting musical recommendations to help dodge Cupid’s arrows this sweet, fateful February.

Aries: March 21 – April 19

You’ve been sitting alone more often than you’d like, but as the cosmos orbits around the Fourth North Star this Valentine’s Day, you’ll find someone at the table with you. They’re not beauty or grace or Miss United States — but they’re better.

“Smells Like Content” – The Books

Taurus: April 20 – May 20

The Akasha has de-materialized, but in its place, the arc of the Golden Celestial has enclosed around you and them. You will find yourself at a stadium — a large, metallic stadium that is anything but a stadium — and one that hosts more than Earth’s teams. Just so you know, the galaxy is waiting for you two — it wants to say hello, and remind you that parking is free after 6 p.m.

“I Think I’m In Love” – Spiritualized

Gemini: May 21 – June 20

Things have felt staler than usual — your handwriting seems to pixelate, your phone doesn’t recognize its calibration, you were caught making out with the mirror. But, as the 13th rolls around the Perihelion, you will find Clarity. Don’t miss the split second of Truth. It won’t come again.

“Where or When (78rpm Version)” – Peggy Lee

Cancer: June 21 – July 22

You’ve been running yourself into a stupor — incessant talks of exams, “Hotline Bling” and caucuses have drained the Archangel Phineasanerb, responsible for the support of the 40th Ray. Remind yourself to take it day by day.

“Today Is the Day” – Yo La Tengo

Leo: July 23 – Aug. 22

Sagacious and equally gracious, dreamy-bedroom folk artist Mitski said it best in a tweet a while back: “You will find your person. Sometimes it may confuse you because they’re not shiny like a movie the way you imagined, but you’ll know by the calm they bring.” Embrace.

“First Love/Late Spring” – Mitski

Virgo: Aug. 23 – Sept. 22

Rein in February’s solstice by focusing on the strongest kind of love: platonic love. Release unhealthy expectations, subdue the calamities of thought. Take a moment to breathe. Replace your Brita filter. Everything else can wait.

“The Ephemeral Bluebell” – Bibio

Libra: Sept. 23 – Oct. 22:

You will receive an ominously erotic message within the next few weeks — at first, it won’t make sense, but in time it will. To expedite Fiducial’s degree, hold the receipt within the Rapt Motion of Sherman’s Light, count to 37 and smile.

“Are you … Can you … Were You?” – Shabazz Palaces

Scorpio: Oct. 23 – Nov. 21

As the Heavenly Sphere rotates around the Second Dimension, situations, plans and parts of the ignored 3,000-piece Space Needle puzzle your great aunt gave you last Easter will start to fall into place. Just in time for Susan B. Anthony’s birthday, the 14th will bring a certain sense of finality.

“It Hurts Until It Doesn’t” – Mothers

Sagittarius: Nov. 22 – Dec. 21

Be conscious of red envelopes, blue envelopes, white envelopes and anyone with the first name Donald. If they work at a local hardware supply store, that’s okay, but anything else may lead to grave Heliacal danger.

“Fuses” – Stereolab

Capricorn: Dec. 22 – Jan. 19

As if in perfect alignment with the Great Besieged Occult’s Orb, the first 3 o’clock of the first Thursday of February will bring a true, alchemical ardor — keep those coquettish eyes open and steady. Say yes to everything, even pork.


Aquarius: Jan. 20 – Feb. 18

Somewhere in between Kraftwerk and clockwork, you find that all of your alarms have been set for 10 a.m. and cannot be changed. Do not fear; this is for a reason. As Adam’s stars zigzag around the Outer Malefic Planets this month, you’ll start to notice what 10 a.m. really means.

“Morning Sun” – Dave Bixby

Pisces: Feb. 19 – March 20

Some practical advice for the sign most likely to lose important Post-Its: Find a fish and befriend it. Instagram it 13 times and then set it free. You never know what the future holds. Or what the state of our county’s natural resource irrigation systems hold for us within the next few months. Mike Huckabee approves this message. In theory.

“Lady Daydream” – Mr Twin Sister

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