Julianne Roth is a journalism senior and Mustang Daily sex columnist.
I have yet to meet a college student who doesn’t have some form of a to-do list — especially females.
So, the other day, of course my perpetual internal soundtrack was reminding me of my own:
What the (insert expletive here)?
In panic mode, I took my brain off autopilot and went in manually.
What I found, sadly, was not a system error, but my own behavioral error.
Sex had actually become a chore for me — just part of my routine. Dare I even say sex was boring?
Suddenly, a menacing wave of desperation and confusion consumed me: Did this natural disaster hit without warning? I don’t think so.
Unfortunately, I’d chosen to ignore the obvious.
As I struggled to the surface, I couldn’t help but notice my sex life had been suffocating for some time.
My manfriend (I don’t say “boyfriend” — it sounds too juvenile) is not new anymore.
He was new once. We were infatuated with one another.
Many healthy relationships start out this way.
However, this stage cannot last forever.
Although it is intense, it lacks substance.
Infatuation was a time of obsession, nerves, lust, (the best sort of) ongoing discomfort and incredible sex.
I felt (as I still do) I’d met the one for me.
All of a sudden, I was in love.
Love between souls is hopeful and strong — forever.
In my opinion, every healthy relationship minimally requires love, respect, communication and sex in order to thrive.
Sex and love are in the same family, but they sure aren’t the same species.
I believe two people can be deeply in love, but physically lack the necessities (such as chemistry) for an erotic and satisfying relationship.
Love truly is a funny thing. Love can make sex more meaningful and pleasurable.
However, the comfort that follows love can combat eroticism. You feel secure.
Security doesn’t necessarily induce an erection. But risk does.
There’s a positive correlation between love and monotonous sex. In this instance, positive doesn’t mean “good,” either.
In love with my ‘best friend’
Throughout my childhood, I’d hear my parents joke with each other that they were “best friends.” My dad would softly slug my mom in the arm and call her “buddy.”
Years later, I found myself in a monogamous, loving relationship and was tempted to call Alex my “best friend,” for real.
While he was visiting during spring break, I revealed these feelings to my parents.
Alex thought it was cute and squeezed my hand — a little silent “I love you.”
My parents attempted to set us straight: “Once you start calling each other best friends or soul mates, it becomes boring.”
I shrugged this advice off, and my new best friend — I mean manfriend — and I went on our merry way back up to San Luis Obispo.
Now, it dawns on me: They’re right, but I guess I had to learn the hard way.
I had let myself become a little too comfortable.
Couples get stuck in ruts.
Here are some ways that may help you and your partner get unstuck:
One day, I proposed we go on a date, with one stipulation — we must act like we know little to nothing about each other.
This was surprisingly nerve-racking and very fun. Especially, since at the end of the night, we ended up in bed together.
You can also play card games with your lover — instead of lugging yourself off to bed for another night of redundancy.
Hearts equal kissing, diamonds equal massage, clubs equal hand-jobs and spades equal oral-sex. The number on the card represents the number of seconds you play out each action.
I promise, you won’t get halfway through the deck before you toss the cards aside and beg your lover to come inside.
Look into his or her eyes
Sex is a very selfish act — love is anything but.
If sex has become a chore, it can often feel a little lonely.
To increase intimacy, you can look into your partner’s eyes or kiss them while making love.
So, while you’re fulfilling a biological function — connecting genitally — you’re also meeting an emotional need.