Unexpected sex is not exactly something people complain about — far from it in fact. However, most of us like to be forewarned in order to put our best foot forward. If you expect an ordinary date and it seems that things are heading toward the bedroom, you might be sorely unprepared. Hopefully you have enough time to stop off at a pharmacy or convenience store on the way to pick up a few things. Such as…
Bar of Soap
Good gravy, you don’t even have soap? And you have someone interested in sleeping with you? There may not be much I can teach you, as you obviously have purchased some sort of illegal pheromone or mind control device. If you are dirty as sin, and not in the good way, then now would be a good time to suggest an intimate shower for two.
Well, if it hasn’t gotten to the point where you need a whole shower, but you still reek of body odor, then pick up a little stick of deodorant. While this will greatly reduce repulsion, keep in mind that not only is mild body odor rather sexy smelling, but deodorant tends to leave a bad taste in one’s mouth. Keep that in mind when choosing where to apply it.
If your “pad” smells more like the lily — or sanitary — variety rather than outdated slang for the place you sleep, then you might want to throw away all that decomposing pizza and open the windows once in a while. In a pinch though, a spray of aerosol might be enough to mask the smell so that your special someone doesn’t run away immediately.
Scented Votive Candle
Now this might be one of the best buys on this list, although you probably won’t find them in a gas station mini-mart. Providing not only a (hopefully) pleasant aroma, but mood lighting as well, it doesn’t get much better than this.
If you don’t have one already, it’s pretty likely you’ll need one before the evening’s out. Whether it’s the cold weather or “strenuous intimate activity” that has you feeling dry around the mouth, this is the tried and true remedy. And a little cherry flavoring never made anything boring.
Tweezers and Disposable Razors
If a little discreet hair removal from your legs, eyebrows, knees or chin will make you more confident, go for it. Remember, though, this should be about what makes you comfortable, not what your potential lover demands. That’s just cold.
Flossers and Mini Toothbrushes
These are tricky. For people who don’t have time for silly old-school toothbrushes or dental floss, this is something you should pick up and use before the date even begins — not just before going home. In fact, it’s best to wait four hours after doing either to perform any sort of oral sex, as both create tiny cuts in your gums that can make it easier to get diseases.
This is another one that needs a bit of planning ahead, but you might want to wash your sheets if you have an idea you’ll be having company in your bed. Evidence of previous sexual encounters, even solo ones, is not impressive. Not at all. Fresh linens, however, can be luxurious.
Or some other sort of mints. Fine, I guess tradition means nothing to you. Or apparently oral hygiene.
Many of you will already have a box of these about, for recreational purposes. All told, tissues are a great way to clean up any sort of liquid that might get somewhere you don’t want. Although it probably would have been a better idea just to take your grandmother’s quilt off the bed for the night.
A massage is one of the sexiest things you can do without taking your clothes off — that’s not to say you should leave them on. How else are you going to use that sexy massage oil? What? Fresh out of sexy massage oil? Baby oil will do, in a pinch. But its use stops there, because this is an oil, and therefore degrades condoms. For lubrication during sex, you should instead use:
Always there to get you out of (or into) a tight spot, lube can be either a necessity or added extra, slippery pleasure, depending on what shenanigans you intend to get into. A variety of lubes are probably sold right next to the:
Puh-leeze tell me that you know what a condom is, or I won’t sleep at night. While we’re talking, tell me that you know that you can get them for free in the Health Center, Pride Center and many sexual health centers around town. But if you have a hard time planning ahead and want to spend your actual money on some, then go right ahead.
If the night has taken a turn for the bondage, this is probably the best thing to pick up. Elastic cords are not only nondescript (people use them for everything, the cashier’s mind won’t go straight to sex) but they are easy to use (no knots or keys) and easily escapable if you get in over your head.