Ryan Chartrand

As a loyal reader of my articles, you would know that it was my birthday just a few weeks ago. With my birthday, I became the ripe old age of 22. With this old age, I have noticed that there are just some things I can no longer relate to when it comes to the younger generation. Namely, I feel like I just either don’t understand, or will always refuse to say some of the lingo.

What comes as a surprise to me though is that this generation that I am writing about is just a few years younger than I am, yet I feel that the language gap is huge. I suppose that this is one of those things about language constantly evolve over time, and that I will just have to face the facts that I can’t just describe my girlfriend as being someone who is all that with a bag of chips anymore. But, regardless of this gap, I am going to give you this guide on breaking down common-day slang and even give you some new words you can use so you can be a trendsetter yourself.

The first word to look at is of epic proportions1. Well, not really. Why? Well, the word “epic” is starting to be used in more ways than I ever thought imaginable. When I think of the word “epic,” I think of stuff that actually has to be huge. Dinosaurs, I would say, were pretty epic. I mean come on, those bastards were huge. You know what else is epic or will be looked at as epic? Yes, you guessed it – Will Smith will always be described career-wise as being an epic man. Martin Lawrence once had the chance, but then after making both “Big Momma’s House” and “Big Momma’s House 2,” I think we all see now that his career is far from ever being epic. I mean come on, Smith has saved the world from robots and aliens all the while rapping to the freshest2 beats around.

The problem with the word “epic” today, though, is that it is being used to describe pretty much anything that has some sort of excitement in people’s lives. A couple examples of horrible, yet common usage are “Hey do you want to road trip to L.A. this weekend? That shit will be epic” and “I killed my midterm, man, and that thing was supposed to be so epic.” You see how ridiculous this is? The word “close” should only be used in horseshoes and hand grenades, so let’s just say that “epic” should only be used in events or descriptions that are actually dynamic3.

The next word was truly popular in the late ’80s and early ’90s, and for some reason the word is back, but the originator is still forgotten. Of course, I’m talking about the word “legit,” but am still wondering how MC Hammer is totally out of the equation after “Too Legit To Quit.” One explanation for Hammer being forgotten can come from the fact that, God forbid, this younger generation I’m talking about doesn’t know who Hammer is. I’m going to give them the benefit of the doubt and say that they do know who the legendary Hammer is though, because if they don’t, they probably have no sense of what music should actually sound like. Anyway, the word “legit” used out of context of Hammer’s song just shouldn’t be used the way it is. I understand that it takes a lot of breath and man power to say “legitimate,” but I guess that for some reason actually sounding intelligent when you speak isn’t cool or something. Basically, let’s just leave the word “legit” to the legendary Hammer, who made the word cool, and not use the word unless we’re quoting the song4.

As promised, I am now going to suggest some new slang words for you all. Unfortunately “That’s so Raven” never caught on as describing comedy, good acting and more comedy, but I’ll give alternatives that should stick.

The first is “co’cumber.” Yeah, no longer do you have to be as “cool as a cucumber” because that is way too many words. Plus, it has always been way more popular-sounding to say “co’” than the full “cool,” so saying “co’cumber” will really give you some street cred to your name. For example, “Damn, that bro is co’cumber right now, know what I’m saying biatch?”

Or how about “Damn that’s Blainey.” This word will be used to describe things that are freaky, fake, and monotone all in one: “Plastic surgery to make your fingers all the same size is just Blainey.”

The third is that you just “Sanjaya’d it.” This will be used if you want to describe something or someone that is annoying, somewhat funny to watch, and still in the closet. For example, “He definitely Sanjaya’d it when he started humping the couch in front of everyone.”

Well that does it for another Guide to Life. Again, I hope you learned something and I will see you all next week.

1 How’s that for a segue into a topic sentence?
2 See, I still say “freshest.” So what?
3 Like Smith.
4 Which should be done more often.

Mike Heimowitz is a journalism senior and Mustang Daily humor columnist. See what makes him as cool as a cucumber at mikeheimowitz.com.

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