As a credit card-carrying member of the Aryan race, a blood relative of Native Americans and a descendent of migrant monkeys, my opinions on immigration are instantly relevant.

America always has crappy jobs. So we import: Indentured white guys to farm, black slaves for cotton, Chinese for railroads, Irish for drinking I guess, Italians to organize crime, Germans for rockets and so forth. We even imported people from Nebraska to cities as factory drones, but they didn’t pass over arbitrarily defined borders. In either case it’s safe we are addicted to migrant labor.

I once had dreams of building robots to replace those crappy jobs, but with all this cheap labor and expensive robo-gas, my dreams may go unfulfilled. These immigrants fulfill their dreams of prosperity filling the very jobs I wanted to replace fulfilling my dreams. A native born American forced to work like migrant labor, lunacy! In order to gain access, the cushy lifestyle I’ve been led to believe, I must have and may be forced to move to Mexico, where my engineering pesos make me feel like an American CEO. But they may not let me, what with all those American-born Latinos and whites escaping an America that bankrupted itself trying to maintain the illusion of security.

I’ll look back and realize how quickly our immigration reform became obsolete under the pressures of economic factors. I’ll remember Latinos booting Mexicans out the door as the cities swell and jobs dwindle. Maybe I can create a hovel out of chunks of the ol’ border wall that couldn’t stop the attack, and keep myself warm burning piles and piles of fibbed guest worker files.

Morgan Elam

General engineering senior

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