I really dislike the term “hook up.”

Every form of it — hook up, hooking up, hooked up — just doesn’t make sense. There is no definitive, acceptable definition of the phrase.

A prime example of the hook up phrase (H-phrase) being lost in translation is with none other than my mom (Hi, Mom). We’ll be talking and I’ll bring up how so-and-so hooked up with someone and the conversation will suddenly come to a standstill.

“Wait, they had sex?” Mom will say.

To which I respond, “No, they only hooked up.”

Then I’m obligated to go into detail about what I mean when I say “hooked up,” which honestly can describe anything from kissing to fornication.

Sure back in good ol’ high school hooking up meant just kissing but now, in our ripened college ages, it basically means someone scored. High-five anyone?

The only time the words hook and up should be used together is when someone is talking about fishing or a crane or something along those lines — not when talking about anything intimate.

My theory is that telling the truth in straight-forward terms is the easiest way to avoid misconceptions and avoid going in-depth when the clarification phrase needs defining too.

Why not just own up to what (or who) went down? There was obviously some desire to get naughty at the time, so there is really no reason to be ashamed of it now.

Before I point any fingers, I know I am guilty of using the term. It is so much easier than going straight into detail — especially if I don’t necessarily want to admit what actually happened.

I will try to take my own advice after this. Besides, life is easier when you tell the truth from the get-go — once you tell different people different stories, sticking to the respective lies gets way too difficult to manage.

So when you are the recipient of the most heard question on Mondays — “How was your weekend?” — keep in mind that the asker expects to hear whatever details the asked feels like sharing. This is the only point during the exchange where vagueness is acceptable — if they asked it means they are either willing to listen to count-by-count recollections or a simple “fun” will suffice.

If you choose to delve into the juicy details and confess a “hook up,” use this overused question as an invitation to share the nitty gritty and the perfect time to avoid using the H-phrase.

As a journalism student, I’ve been told in all of my classes to address the five W’s: who, what, when, where and why (and sometimes how). I think it would be a good idea to employ this practice in weekend-tellerism as well.

This will eliminate the use of any form of “hook up” as a way to avoid admitting how far things actually went as well as the inevitable follow up question — “What exactly did you do?”

Using the five W’s is the only way to be sure someone accurately recounts what they mean when they say, “We hooked up.”

There are many better alternatives to using the H-phrase. For example, using layman’s terms is a perfectly acceptable and, probably, an easier route.

Terms which are encouraged to be used as substitutions for the H-phrase are (in increasing order of sexual severity): make out, light or heavy grinding, hand job, head and sex.

Sure, it’s blunt, but it’s the easiest way. And if the person doesn’t go straight to details, they probably don’t feel like sharing what really occurred — which is perfectly acceptable because not everybody is an open book.

Please stop beating around the bush — just trail blaze right through it to save time.

Karlee Prazak is a journalism junior, copy editor and sex columnist for the Mustang Daily.

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published.