Janice Edman

Two weeks and one day. In that amount of time I will be rid of this desolate, cold quarter and off to sunnier pastures for a week of blissful, completely non-educational enjoyment. While I never plan far enough ahead for those pricey spring break trips that all the cool kids go on, I still manage to get my groove on with a high-speed blender, a lot of tequila and some hot party music filling the empty hallways of my parents’ house until I pass out, solomente. Even so, it does involve a three-hour car ride up north, which could become an agonizing five hours if traffic in San Jose is bad (and it always is). That’s a lot of boring time perfect for what has saved me at so many tedious parties, stale late night conversations, etc: dirty games.

As college students we all know how to make a game dirty (just try playing Taboo with my girlfriends and I some night). But I’m referring to games that require no cards or annoying buzzers to play out. Here is a rundown for when you board that six-hour flight to Hawaii, you lucky cool kids.

The first is the absolute classic: Which would you rather? Now I’ve seen the hokey book version they sell at Urban, and I promise the weak situations in there are far too tame to warrant any merit. The concept is simple – create two horrible scenarios and ask whoever is trapped next to you, drum roll-which would you rather? Here’s a fine example: Would you rather only have sex once a month, or wear a shirt every Wednesday that says “I Have Chronic Diarrhea”? Surprisingly most people have chosen the shirt – we are a randy bunch without much to hide. Themes can range from bodily functions, terrible sex fiascos, to whatever else the sick mind can think up. It’s guaranteed fun for hours.

The next was created in tangent to the first: Who would you rather? As in, who would you rather get hot and nasty with if you had absolutely no choice in the matter in the rare chance that you must have sex with someone or you will die a horrible death? (Remember – it’s all theoretical). I caution against Brad Pitt vs. Johnny Depp choices – you’re not losing either way there. Dig back in your mind to the most horribly unattractive person you have allowed to remain in your memory, and then find another to make the first seem almost doable in comparison. Maybe your stats teacher in high school vs. that homeless guy who always uses the computers in the library. Ewwww . . . but who would you rather?

The last one needs no introduction, it’s all in the title: F–, Marry or Kill. Give another person three names of mutual friends, enemies, whatever – but you both must know them. They must then rank each person as who they would f–, marry or kill (I know, the name isn’t that creative). Only one person gets each designation, so even if three hotties are chosen, one still has to be killed. Playing it with boyfriends is great because they will always choose to marry you. (Am I the only one who gets a little thrill out of that? Fine, the cheese stands alone.)

So on that long trip to as-far-away-from-school-as-possible, before you make the egregious mistake of picking up a book, play these games and learn something new about yourself – like if you really would wear that shirt.

Janice Edman is an English senior and a Mustang Daily columnist.

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