The Hoof is a satire column created to find the humor in the daily life of Cal Poly students. If you’re looking for news, this is not it. If you’re looking for sports, this is kind of it, because we’re having a ball. Ha. Puns.
Jillian Butler is a journalism senior and Mustang News opinion columnist. The views expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Mustang News.
Cal Poly just got a brand new attraction, and students are itching to get inside.
What’s the attraction you may ask? Getting to suck on a strip of paper at Cal Poly’s Covid-19 testing site located in the University Union.
Students have been waiting upwards of two hours just to get to the front of the line.
One student, Paul Poly, waited two hours and 15 minutes to get inside. Poly said he had no problem with waiting that long.
“I would have camped outside in a blizzard if it meant getting to experience licking a piece of paper and sticking it in a tiny plastic tube!” Poly said.
Another student, Maya Mustang, also did not seem bothered by the long wait. She spent one hour and 45 minutes in line having a panic attack about missing classes that don’t count having COVID-19 as an excused absence if her test comes back positive and playing UNO with the people in line with her.
“If it weren’t for that line, I would have never met my new roommates for next year. No other theme park has lines so long that you can find roommates, tour apartments and sign a lease before you get to the front,” Mustang said.
For those who don’t feel like waiting in line, the university offers Fast Passes, similar to what you would find at Disneyland, allowing some students to skip the line. To get yourself a Fast Pass, all you have to do is expose yourself to COVID-19. You then get to skip the two-hour line in the University Union and head right into the Health Center to enjoy the main event.
If you have not had the chance to check out this new attraction, you can try and walk-in or book an appointment here. The attraction is extremely popular, so even if you have an appointment, we recommend bringing three meals and something to sleep on.