The Hoof is a satire column created to find the humor in the daily life of Cal Poly students. If you’re looking for news, this is not it. If you’re looking for sports, this is kind of it, because we’re having a ball. Ha. Puns.

Jack Clark is a journalism senior and Mustang News opinion columnist. The views expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Mustang News. 

In 2021, it seems all too common to see new types of innovation lauded as the next best thing. 

That being said, what Cal Poly has achieved might be technological artistry in its purest form. This achievement, of course, being the Campus Pass. 

Cal Poly’s Campus Pass seamlessly blends personal accountability with zero organization on a scale never before seen. It is what some are calling a more effective tool against COVID-19 than any available vaccine. 

How does it work? I’m glad you asked. 

Each day, students are asked to complete the campus pass survey before they come to campus, or before 12:00 p.m., “whichever comes first.” Despite this rule, you can actually complete the survey at any point during the day. There are no barriers or repercussions in regards to late survey submissions. By doing this, Cal Poly achieves both making their students unnecessarily anxious about not being able to come to class and confused as to how the system works. 

The content of the survey also helps students feel safer in the midst of a pandemic by answering some tough questions. Questions such as: Should I come to campus if I feel sick? Should I go to that club meeting if I was in contact with someone who tested positive for COVID-19? Should I go to office hours if I have COVID-19? 

The campus pass survey reveals, to the surprise of many, that you should not come to campus if you find yourself in any of the aforementioned situations. 

Perhaps the most advanced part of the Campus Pass system is the dual barcode and smiley-face feature. Once you have completed the Campus Pass survey and are cleared to come to campus, you receive a link to a green smiley-face and a barcode. 

In theory, that barcode or smiley-face would be checked by a professor or faculty member to make sure you were allowed to access campus facilities. However, through what must be a complex and masterful display of reverse psychology, most professors choose not to check the pass at all. 

It makes students wonder: What could this mean? Maybe the Campus Pass was never meant to protect students from COVID-19 and it’s just a symbolic lesson about honesty and trust. Students are supposed to go through all the steps to get this Campus Pass just to have it never be checked, but to have the peace of mind that everyone else did what they were supposed to. Right? 

To me, Cal Poly uses this system to teach students a valuable lesson about the futility of human existence. You can do everything right: You can get your Covid-19 test, you can complete the survey on time and you can come to campus with honor. But at the end of the day, getting your Campus Pass checked is not promised, nor is the integrity of your peers— so you might just end up getting COVID-19 in your favorite class anyway. 

Overall Rating: 7/10

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