Harry Potter and his broomstick please all ages

Karlee Prazak is a journalism junior, Mustang daily copy editor and sex columnist.

Harry Potter and his world of witchcraft and wizardry have won over the imaginations of children and adults worldwide. But there is something the invisibility cloak couldn’t hide from all of the witches and wizards at Hogwarts — the perverseness of a Muggle mind.

The more the fanciful world of Harry Potter develops, the easier it is to pull his broomstick.

Up until now, Warner Bros. Entertainment Inc. and author JK Rowling have successfully protected the Harry Potter name. If the Internet is searched for various forms of scandalous Harry Potter paraphernalia the results won’t be very fruitful — unless they are in the form of a YouTube or blog parody.

Don’t lose hope though, there are two incidents which flew under the protectorate’s bludgers to eroticize Harry Potter and the naughty bone.

First was an incident concerning a Mattel Toy released in February 2001 called the “Nimbus 2000.” The toy was a vibrating replica of the broom Harry Potter uses to uphold Gryffindor’s status as Quidditch champions, according to an article in The New York Times written the same month.

Yeah, you heard right: a vibrating toy broom children are expected to put between their legs and “fly” around on.

Shortly after its release, users on Amazon.com began commenting on the toy’s popularity among kids, especially groups of younger girls.

An archive of Amazon’s “Spotlight Reviews” had the following comments:

• “‘My 12-year-old daughter is a big Harry Potter fan, and loved the part with the Nimbus 2000, so I decided to buy her this toy … Even my daughter’s friends enjoy playing with this fun toy. I was surprised at how long they can just sit in her room and play with this magic broomstick!’”
• “‘I recently bought this for my son … This toy gives him the ability to fly around the house zapping things. My only problem I see with the toy is the batteries drain too fast and his sister fights him over it, so now I need to buy her one.’”
• “‘When my 12-year-old daughter asked for this for her birthday, I kind of wondered if she was too old for it, but she seems to LOVE it. Her friends love it too! They play for hours in her bedroom with this great toy. They really seem to like the special effects it offers (the sound effects and vibrating). My oldest daughter (17) really likes it too! I recommend this for all children.”

Wait, did I read that right? Her 17-year-old daughter likes to play with the Nimbus 2000? And this didn’t seem the least bit suspicious? Come on parents — let’s think about this for a minute.

Soon there after, sex stores in the Times Square area of New York began selling the toys for $40, though Amazon sold them for about $15 to 20, according to a MethodShop.com article. It appears as though the older Harry Potter fans finally could relate to what the kids found so great about pretending to ride on Harry’s magic stick.

Needless to say, Mattel stopped producing the toy. The all-too magical broomstick was taken off shelves and is no longer available for purchase on Amazon.com. I guess prepubescent pleasure and Quidditch don’t go together after all.

The other trend that has made it into Harry’s world of witchcraft and wizardry is far more troubling than a simple toy malfunction. It is called “hentai” and is defined as: “a Japanese word that, in the West, is used when referring to sexually explicit or pornographic comics and animation, particularly those of Japanese origin such as anime, manga and computer games,” according to Wikipedia.

Essentially, hentai is the product of kinky comic creators which depict Harry Potter and his closest friends — including the house-elf Dobby — scantily clothed (or entirely exposed) casting and sharing more than just spells with each other.

The most shocking aspect of Harry hentai is the realistic depictions. Even though they are hand-drawn or computer-generated images, each is vividly detailed and leaves very little to imagination. With a little butterbeer in your system, it would be easy to confuse the popular hentai comics of Hermione to the real witch (that is an oxymoron if I’ve ever heard one — “real witch”).

To add the final flick of the wrist, each hentai is complete with a title and short description — most of which spare the audience of clever puns and cut straight to the chase about the erotic encounter.

Although it is fun to conjure up Harry Potter sexual innuendos — which include but are not limited to: never wanting to see his hairy chamber of secrets or inventing new spells like finite orgasimoso — the whole hentai porn fad takes it a little too far in my opinion. It’s all fun and games until Harry’s owl gets out of its cage.

Don’t cast aside all chances of a Harry Potter sex scene though. Various online publications are leaking information about an alleged nude sex scene during which Harry tries to snatch Hermione’s snitch. Hopefully he doesn’t suffer from premature spell-aculation.