Zach Berston is a journalism senior and a satire columnist for Mustang News. The content in this article does not necessarily reflect the views of Mustang Media Group.
The Cal Poly Administrative Board held a vote Tuesday to determine whether to expedite the construction of the Kennedy Library or build more big letters. The ultimate vote was unanimous in favor of big letters.
An administrative spokesperson spoke to The Manure, “What do we need a big library for? Attracting more nerds to our school? We’re gonna be a nerd school at this rate. Oh yeah. What we need is more big letters. In fact, I’m appalled that the first ones were only nine feet tall. For the next project, we’re gonna double it. Eighteen-foot letters all over town.”
The new letters are expected to be constructed in every parking spot on campus. The ambitious plan will ensure that any student driving onto campus will need to weave through a tortuous maze of letters, only to find that no spots exist.
Big letter construction management junior Herman Grosberg said, “I like the big letters. There hasn’t been a lot of work in the big letter construction industry so this makes me really hopeful for my future.”