Dormcest: testing the limits of on-campus living

Hannah Croft is a journalism freshman and Mustang Daily freshman columnist.

Residence halls are small.

And I don’t mean just in the sense that my roommates and I share a room the size of a refrigerator box (lucky me, randomly selected to share a room meant for two with two other people). I mean it’s like living in one of those stereotypically small towns where everyone knows everything about one another (Hello, Wisteria Lane).

I mean there are no such things as secrets.

If you had a little too much fun last weekend, even the most introverted of hermits knows about it.

If you have a midterm in the morning, everyone knows and wishes you luck.

But most importantly, if you are hooking up with, snuggling or going on a date with anyone in the building, everyone knows.

We call it Trincest because we’re clever in the liberal arts dorm (we live in Trinity Hall). And let me tell you, it happens all the time.

I won’t say I know from experience (though my hall mates may tell you otherwise), but given even a minor tipoff — say, two people going to lunch together — just the two of them — the gossip wheel starts turning.

“What’s going on with Jim and Cathy?”

turns into…

“We saw Jim and Cathy making out.”

I don’t know anyone named Jim or Cathy, but I do know that word travels fast, and Trincest is our favorite thing to talk about. Stories get twisted and feelings get hurt and before you know it, you have a real-life version of “Easy A” and you’re Emma Stone — you might as well be walking around with a big red “A” on your corsets.

I won’t say Trincest (let’s be universal here and call it dormcest) is a bad thing because my best friend’s parents met in Fremont Hall back in the ’80s and now they’re happily married. But then there’s the girl from the third floor and the guy from the first floor who can’t even make eye contact after their short-lived relationship — awkward.

Relationships or hook-ups or even innocent lunch dates are hot topics of common room discussion. I guess that’s where we go when we need to revert back to our high school ways of gossiping about anyone and everyone whose lives are undoubtedly more interesting than our own.

I will not deny that I’ve definitely had my fair share of dorm crushes. However, I’m too chicken to act on them. But if you’re one of those kids who isn’t too busy sitting around playing the “What if?” game instead of making a move, and you give dormcest a shot, just be prepared for the aftermath.

Be prepared for everyone and their mother in Sequoia to ask you what’s going on with you and what’s-her-face from the second floor. Don’t get defensive, don’t say “nothing,” because we know it’s anything but nothing. Own up to it, or the stories will continue, and that’s when things get messy. Even if the stories aren’t true, they circulate around the hall fast enough that they become true enough.

Even if you two are just sitting in your room studying, with the door locked, just explain the situation — for your own sake.

There’s two sides to every coin I suppose and there’s risk involved in everything.

I’ve always thought the biggest risk in life was not taking risks. And given the opportunity, I’ll take the dormcest risk. Maybe I’ll get lucky, and my life will play out in some picturesque way … and I will get my MRS degree here.

Be adventurous, take risks, down a little liquid courage and tell ‘em how you feel. Maybe you’ll end up like my best friend’s parents and your kids will be here to carry on the tradition.

Dormcest or not, think for yourself. Who cares if they ask about you in the common room? If you’re happy and the people around you are happy, then what’s the problem?

So be happy and get some.