Halfway through the first class of the day, it hits. Every thought takes a turn to the gutter. It’s official: you’re horny.
In an extreme case, you may frantically look around for an unsuspecting partner, but shoot down an unrealistic dream of passionately fleeing class together for a more private location.
The next logical step is to turn to your phone — as you scroll through your contacts you wonder, what “friend” could you text to rendezvous with later? If you’re lucky, you will reap the benefits and survive another tedious class later in the day.
If not, you can always resort to a penis-drawing hobby like the guy in “Superbad,” or rush home on a break and lock yourself in a room with a computer — feel free to finish the thought.
You are not alone on this rollercoaster of hormones.
According to an article published in January 2010 by the England-based Telegraph Media Group (TMG), men and women reminisce about sex daily: “Researchers found the average male turns their thoughts to sexual intercourse 13 times a day — a total of 4,745 times every year.”
The article also said researchers found “almost a third (of men) admitted (sex) is often the first thing they think about when they wake up in the mornings.”
Since the majority of students roll out of bed and into class, the lingering thoughts of intimacy make for a harder class.
Cal Poly senior Calvin* said thoughts of sex venture into his head “generally about halfway into a class.” And once class is out, he said he takes care of the urge as soon as possible.
Even “innocent” freshman can’t escape the day dreams.
Cal Poly freshman Tim* said he thinks about the deed “every day, pretty much all the time.”
In contrast to men, the TMG article said “women think about sex just five times day — or 1,825 times a year.”
In my opinion, this statement is debatable. I think it really just depends on whether you make love like a rabbit, or if sex is a so-called “sacred act.” Basically, if the feeling is fresh in your loins, procreative thoughts will be unavoidable.
Cal Poly senior Cassie* hovers between the research results and my rationale. She admitted to thinking about sex “probably a good five times a day” like the average woman.
However, Cassie said she falls victim to orgasmic thoughts when the seal was recently cracked, but in a very manageable sense.
“(I think about sex) only if I’m talking to someone (about it) at the moment, or if it recently happened,” she said. “But I don’t think about it enough to where I can’t get my act together.”
Therefore, those of you who find yourselves desiring a little afternoon delight can thrust easier because it is completely normal to feel, as well as suppress, horniness throughout the day.
It’s funny how inherent sexual arousal is in most people. There is always something to say or joke about involving sex, even if it may be uncomfortable to admit at first. After a little warming up, there is plenty to share when it comes to lewd stories and times you’ve felt hot and bothered.
If you disagree, think about the last time you engaged in an intimate conversation. It probably started as an innocent exchange enhanced by a dirty-joke or reference like the class phrase of our generation, “that’s what she said.” Before you know it, the conversation is deep into sexual banter and storytelling.
For those of you who think you can’t relate, either you haven’t been able to accept that you too possess lustfulness, or you’re too embarrassed to admit it. If you fall into this category, I urge you to cast judgments aside and embrace inherent sexuality. I’m not saying you should turn into a raging nymphomaniac, but err on the side of rebelliousness and let your inner-deviant take over and allow your mind to do some wandering.
If it still doesn’t make sense, then consider this your first lewd story to share with others.
*These names have been changed to preserve anonymity.
Karlee Prazak is a Mustang Daily copy editor and journalism junior.