The end of summer: Possibly the most depressing time of the year for me. The return to class this quarter marks the conclusion of a summer full of great friends, new flings, trips to the lake, campsites, barbecues and a little binge drinking now and again.
Instead of being heartbroken by the loss of my favorite season I have devised a way to extend summer for three more quarters. Follow these 10 steps and all your summer withdrawals will cease.
Step 1: Wear bathing suits as everyday garments. Ladies, tie your two-piece suits back up in exchange for normal underwear. Just knowing they are underneath four other layers of clothing in the middle of the rainy season will help extend your bliss.
Gentlemen, sport your board shorts regardless of the season. If they get wet, they dry quicker then most denim and almost never wrinkle. Plus, when the time comes, you are guaranteed to be the first to hit the beach.
Step 2: Moisturize with sun block. The sleek shine sun block gives your skin a glossy look while tanning on the sand can now be used to keep pores moist and dry skin free from cracking. Try scents like coconut and ocean breeze to attract fellow sun worshippers on campus. Heads will turn and you’ll never burn.
Step 3: Party on a week day. For example, Downtown Brewing Company offers Pint Night every Tuesday. Use this as an excuse to get in a solid night of dancing and debauchery on the most random night of the week. After all, was there any such thing as a “weekday” in the middle of summer? The hangover and sleepless nights may contribute to a lack of comprehension in your morning classes but your social life will continue to flourish.
Step 4: Set up a tent in your own backyard. Student living is cramped anyway, why not extended your living space by pitching a tent in the yard? The view from the window will always remind you of the good times you had away on vacation. Not to mention any visitors, family members, drunk friends and moochers will now be out of your house, but still close enough to feel at home.
Step 5: Strap your surfboard back on the top of your car. Even in December the fact that your board is still on call will keep you daydreaming until June. Although the added drag and wind resistance may force you to fill your tank a bit more often, isn’t the sight of that sleek board worth it? Throw all thoughts about how people will perceive you because the beach is just over the hills. No board? Try a colorful mini surfboard key chain instead.
Step 6: Break the early morning blues by drying off with a large beach towel after your shower. Palm trees, dolphins and seashells are a great pick-me-up. Plus, you’ll never have to worry about accidentally drying off with your “I’m only going to shower twice a week to conserve water” environmentalist roommate’s stiff towel.
Step 7: Remember the smell of barbecue and campfire smoke? Buy an indoor grill for your kitchen stove. Now you can cook hamburgers and hot dogs with authentic grill marks year-round. Note: some smoking can occur when using the grill indoors. This is an advantage because the smoky smell will linger in the house, your clothing and hair long after dinner. Smoke alarms may go off though, so be ventilated.
Step 8: Acquire fireworks to light for an easy, instant memory. I recommend, but don’t necessarily encourage, using illegal fireworks when available. They give the biggest bang for your buck and add a sense of summer mischief to your night. Can’t find fireworks? You’re in college, so don’t pretend you haven’t figured out how to blow things up.
Step 9: Rent Major League Baseball video games. Although the postseason is still continuing, the withdrawals can be brutal come early January. What’s summer without division rivalries, ball parks and hot dogs? Get in a healthy dose of Guerrero, Jeter and Pujols to extend summer fun.
Step 10: Skip class. If the first nine steps just aren’t doing it for you, find a day where skipping class will have the least amount of impact on your grade. Midterms, finals, and assignment due dates not recommended. Sleep in, hang around in your pajamas and catch up on you favorite daytime shows. Class can wait; you have a date with summer.