Ryan Chartrand

Once upon a time there was a girl who spent the night at a boy’s house while she was visiting nearby. The next morning, her friend met her for breakfast, expecting to hear a nice, graphic tale of the sexcapades of the night before. Instead of the discussion she was expecting, however, she was met with a command: “Ask me if I had sex last night.”

Not one to be misled, her friend replied as intuitive friends do. “I assume that you did have sex last night; otherwise you wouldn’t be telling me to ask about it.” Instead of answering outright, though, the girl again made the strange request: “Ask me if I had sex last night.”

“Okay,” the friend relented. “Did you have sex last night?”

To this, the girl yelled, “HALF!”

Confused at first, she learned exactly what her friend meant by her unusual answer after she spilled a few more details; while in the midst of the deed, the boy she was having sex with screamed, pulled out of her, and jumped off the bed. He apparently had pulled his hamstring and now had to explain to his coach why he was unable to play in the next afternoon’s baseball game.

This story teaches us that sex can be compared to baseball in a few ways:

In order to score you have to round all the bases, a glove is an important accessory in order to play the game right. And, perhaps most importantly, that warming up is always a good idea. Without it, someone will end up with a pulled muscle.

Foreplay, or, to stay in the world of baseball, the pre-game warm-up, is an integral part of any sexual experience in order to avoid injuries of any sort. According to a lecture in “Lifespan Sexuality,” the excitement phase, or the stage synonymous with foreplay, is one of the longest of four phases of the human sexual response cycle.

Arousal occurs from both physical and visual stimulation, from activities such as touching, being touched, dry humping, oral sex, or even just an active imagination and good visual of your partner’s backside. With an adequate amount of warming up, not only will your body actually heat up temperature-wise, but there will also be other physical responses. A woman’s vagina will start lubricating and become larger and more elastic, and a male will gain a full erection. Both sexes often have erect nipples, a faster heart rate, and quicker breathing during this stage.

Sex is the most likely next step, once both parties are ready. Either that, or an evening going back to the basics of that often sped-up or overlooked pre-game could be in order.

So what’s the take home message? No matter who you chose to engage in sexual activities with, even if you are athletic or have amazing endurance, warming up to prep your body for the sensations and contortions it could be put through during your tryst is a good idea. Kudos to you if you’re naturally flexible, as it means less twisting and turning for your partner. But remember: with great power comes great responsibility. And three strikes means you’re out!

Feel free to send Melissa Norman your own funny sex stories, comments, or questions to her column e-mail: CPbetweenthesheets@gmail.com. She’ll try to respond to them all, whether as an e-mail, or for stories to share with your fellow Mustangs. Any references in upcoming articles will be anonymous.

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