Erin Yarwood is a journalism senior and opinion columnist for Mustang News. The opinions expressed in this article do not necessarily reflect those of Mustang Media Group.
The Hoof is a satire column created to find humor in the daily life of Cal Poly students. If you’re looking for news, this is not it. If you’re looking for sports, this is kind of it, because we’re having a ball. Ha. Puns.
Internship searching season has arrived! Interviews are in the middle of your Tuesday morning lab and the rejection emails are rolling in. As college students across the nation weigh the pros and cons of every bright, shining internship opportunity that floats their way, it’s important to take a look at the breakdown of your options.
I present to you a ranked list of types of summer internships, from worst to best. You need to know what you’re getting into.
7. The “not an internship” internship
The first internship on our list isn’t even really an internship at all. You searched and searched, but after months of bad luck, you’ve returned to an old position. Your job title: Aquatic Safety Intern. Your very important position entails a variety of responsibilities including crisis management, certification courses and customer service. Everyone else you know calls it lifeguarding at your local public pool.
6. The “just kidding” internship
Ranked second-to-last for good reason, this internship is a little too sketchy to be true. Maybe the company cold-emailed you or reached out on LinkedIn.
Maybe the website is a little barebones or the interviewer had a green screen background on Zoom, but how bad could it really be? A week before your start date, all contact is lost and the website is gone. They no longer exist, and your bank account is down a couple hundred dollars. Weird coincidence?
5. The “Is this even legal?” internship
Congratulations! You’ve obtained a summer internship. Sure, you work 40 hours a week with no pay, but at least you can get course credit—right?
Plus, that LinkedIn post looks great on your page, and your parents seem real proud. You’re learning a lot, mostly about labor laws and whether your internship is violating them, but hey, experience is experience.
4. The “overly remote” internship
A remote internship is the best of both worlds! You get to stay in sunny San Luis Obispo over the summer while gaining experience in your future profession. The first few weeks run smoothly, but perhaps a little too smoothly.
Halfway through the summer, you realize you haven’t seen your boss’s face on camera in a while, and you’re running out of tasks to give yourself. Your second coffee of the day is a necessity to make sure you don’t doze off while keeping your status active on Slack.
3. The “startup” internship
Working for a startup is exciting! The rush of breaking boundaries for a new company and the freedom of loosely-set guidelines are enticing for a college student who isn’t 100% sure what they want to do. Now, you get to dip your foot into every area.
That is, until halfway through the summer, when the startup runs out of money. Thank goodness you have your Aquatic Safety Intern position awaiting your return.
2. The “roommate’s uncle’s company” internship
Growing desperate entering spring quarter with no summer plans, you decided to flex your connections. Now, you’ve ended up working for a friend of a friend. ‘Everyone knows how you ended up here and they despise you for it,’ you tell yourself in the mirror every morning.
Don’t feel too bad. This is how everyone in the real world gets their job.
1. The “How TF did you get this??” internship
This isn’t just any regular internship. It’s a company you’re inspired by, with good pay, in a beautiful city and a job offer at the end of your summer. It’s a dream come true.
Your mentor cares about your future and walks the perfect line of a professional you look up to who is also personable enough to approach for help and advice. Either you really deserve this or you’re just super lucky. Whichever it is, congratulations!
Meeting new coworkers, fulfilling passion projects and enjoying your time away from class are all internship perks to be grateful for! Whatever internship you get your hands on, remember to cherish your summer experience.