Rebecca Caraway is a journalism senior and the Mustang News Opinion Editor. The views expressed in this piece do not necessarily reflect those of Mustang News.

I used to have a friend that said we were soulmates, and I thought she was right. We liked the same music and TV shows; we had the same problems. We both preferred a night on the couch to a night out on the town. We would often finish each other’s sentences or have the same ideas. 

I really thought we were the same, now I know that we couldn’t be more different. She was my first friend in college, and my first real friendship breakup. 

I won’t get into the petty-middle-school-drama of it all, but toward the end of our friendship a toxic pattern emerged. She was possessive at times; it bugged her that she wasn’t my only friend. She would often argue with our coworkers and then get mad at me when she felt I wasn’t on her side 100%.

We had three major fights in as many months. All our arguments were her getting mad at me, yelling and then ghosting. I would apologize, despite everyone around me telling me not to because I didn’t do anything. 

After a week of nothing she’d agree to meet up with me, and I thought we patched everything up. She forgave me for not taking her side. I forgave her for not handling our argument in the right way. To be honest I don’t think she ever really forgave me, and to be really honest I didn’t either. 

After our final fight she sent me a text saying she couldn’t trust me anymore. I laughed when I read that at 3:00 a.m. She couldn’t trust me? She was the one who had lashed out at me three times in as many months. Who abandoned me after I broke down at work after watching my grandfather pass away. But somehow I was the bad guy. 

She called me the next day and apologized, but I told her I needed a break — I needed some time before we could be friends again. The next time I saw her was in December of 2021. I thought I was ready to forgive, to be friends again, I did really start to miss her; but I wasn’t ready. I did forgive her, I did move on, but I outgrew our friendship. Even if she changed and apologized for everything, I was done, I was burnt out and no longer had the emotional capacity to continue.

She could tell it too. We had a quiet and slightly awkward lunch. 

That was the last time I saw her.

It’s been over a year since I’ve seen or heard from her. I don’t miss her but I don’t hate her, I genuinely hope she’s doing good. I’m glad we were friends when we were, but I’m also glad that we’re no longer friends.