Madeline Kuhns is a journalism senior and Mustang News opinion columnist. The opinions expressed in this article do not necessarily reflect those of Mustang Media Group.
During a late-night doom scroll, tarot card readers with a persuasive, intense stare told me I need to be patient with love because my perfect partner is coming along soon.
No offense to that random middle-aged influencer, but I don’t believe that for a second. Chivalry is dying. If anything, it’s been dead for a while. Though once in a blue moon, I’ll hear people exchanging numbers , I rarely hear someone getting asked out in person.
Our generation is plagued by hesitation because of the expectation that the right people and relationships we want will magically come to us. I hear a lot of people say, “The right person will find me,” or “the right person will come to me when it’s meant to be.” I’m tired of hearing these excuses.
Sure, someone may randomly meet me or come into my life, but I’ve had to make a lot of things happen myself. We’ve moved past the time when gender roles only allowed men to be the ones making the initial approach. My proposition is to normalize being a person of action and to pursue the people you want. No more waiting for the perfect person to come up to you.
In the larger scheme of things, this isn’t just about action; it’s about not waiting for life to come to us. We won’t always be surrounded by so many young people our age who are also willing to try new things. I don’t know about you, but I’m not ending my senior year with any regrets.
I can understand the major fear many people feel with rejection as an outcome. Your heart is beating, your hands are a little clammy and you’ve only ever talked to your crush once in the lab when you asked them to hand you a pipette. With the charisma you practiced in the mirror last night, you clear your throat and ask if they’re doing anything later. They say. “I’m not really interested,” or “That’s nice, but I have a girlfriend.” Or the worst response, calling you “bro” and then saying they are super busy.
I heard a great comeback to a friendly rejection after a guy told a girl she was beautiful and wanted to take her out the other day on campus. “Take it as a compliment,” he responded.
Mucking up the courage to ask out a stranger (or non-stranger) only to be told they have a girlfriend or boyfriend crushes the spirits, but only temporarily. The worst that can happen is that they say no.
Rejection can be seen as a resilience builder. When you try for something you desire and get rejected, it fuels your fire of persistence. Not to mention, our hardwiring often makes us attracted to the chase of something we can’t have.
I think in the long run, rejection is better than the regret of doing nothing. What’s the point of going out to the bars with the hope of meeting someone if you end up only talking to your friends once you’re there? I believe it’s important to push ourselves out of our comfort zone and towards achieving things we want (I want to have sexy arm candy, is that so bad?).
In addition, forwardness can be sexy. Putting your heart on the line for someone takes courage. What’s more attractive than someone who’s not afraid to go for something they want? Being forward shows that you possess confidence and can serve as a positive shock factor to someone unsuspecting of compliments. If things don’t go the way you hoped and they say no, your interest in them could make their day. Adding positivity to people’s lives always feels good.
Plus, think about how good it feels when you are successful in asking someone out. Not only did you prove you are a skilled flirt, but you also just boosted your confidence. Your charisma is on point, you little flirt.
In my ripe old age as a senior at Cal Poly, I think I also have the most fun when I’m unafraid to pursue people I want. I’m not afraid to admit I’ve done my fair share of Tinder and Hinge swiping, and I like to put myself out there. Not to sound like a player, but in some ways, flirting takes practice. I still get nervous around a crush, but I’m much more confident in my flirting techniques than before.
Even if something doesn’t work out with someone, a usually I have a hilarious story to tell my roommates at the end of the night. Romantic endeavors are worth embarrassing yourself sometimes.
You shouldn’t wait for life to come to you — you have to seek it and put effort in to reach your goals.