Ryan Chartrand

I have a great history of watching movies. I consider myself to be a pretty big movie buff, and it is getting closer to summer movie blockbuster season, which makes me a little excited. I find myself pondering, in anticipation for the next great movie, how and why movies can have such a big influence on our lives. I can remember the first time I watched “Forrest Gump” with my family. The day we watched this movie was the first time I saw my father cry. This was the last day I respected my father as a person.

Sadly, I cannot always watch movies on the big screen, which is why I am an avid renter. Renting is almost preferable because I can avoid the various annoyances at the theater, such as the advertisements that show between the previews. I did not make my date pay $20 so we can sit and watch commercials. If I wanted to drink a Coke, I would have smuggled one in. Trying to sell your product to me is about as effective as trying to sell heterosexuality to Ryan Seacrest. I’m not going to buy your crappy products; I just want to watch my damn movie! Hell, I would rather watch a Coca-Cola CEO cash his mega-salary check, and then spend my money on cheap hookers and blow. It’s the same message with none of the bullshit . at least I’m entertained now.

Next are the people. I hate people. I really hate people who text during movies. I was watching the new Will Ferrell movie “Semi-Pro,” and some girl was giggling and texting away on her phone. Granted, she was sitting at the very back of the theater, yet I could still hear her perfectly because nobody was laughing at the movie. Even though the movie was about as funny as leprosy, she still made me get out of my chair and bludgeon her in the back of the skull with a brick. That’s right, I carry a brick with me when I go to the movies now so I can silence annoying texters.

Now there is only one more thing that can ruin a good summer movie line-up, and that is a romantic comedy. Some of you may already know how I feel about romantic comedies, but just to clear things up, I find romantic comedies to be nauseating as much as Rosie O’Donnell is ugly. I had to watch a romantic comedy with a girlfriend one time and I was so mad at the end of the day because the movie cost me two solid hours of my life. It also cost me two more hours of my life to go steal my neighbor’s dog and sell it to a Korean restaurant because I was so mad. I dumped my girlfriend later that night.

My outlook for the theater experience this summer, however, is not all bitter. I recently saw a preview for the new Batman movie. Everything about the preview made me want to jump into a movie theater like a left-wing radical on a pile of free healthcare. It even has Heath Ledger cast as The Joker. It is rumored that his performance is going to be flawless. This makes me hope that he will deliver another great performance in his current production, “Dirt Nap.” If you thought that the Heath Ledger joke was “too soon,” don’t read the previous sentence.

Michael Macedo is a manufacturing engineering senior and a guest columnist for the Mustang Daily.

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