Lauren Rabaino

The Super Bowl is right around the corner. This is easily most men’s favorite day of the year.

If you’re a real fan, you’ve had this day marked on the calendar for months. No football fan would have envisioned this match-up, but that’s what always seems to make the Super Bowl so intriguing.

Tom Brady and Peyton Manning in the Super Bowl? That’s impossible because Peyton plays in the AFC, too. The only catch here is that the Manning playing in this game isn’t the Colts’ Manning – it’s his little brother Eli.

It’s the team that’s 18-0 and playing for perfection against the team that everyone wrote off weeks ago. The dynamics behind this game are enough to make a sports writer pretty happy.

But the reality is it’s not about the game anymore – it’s all about the party. (As if Cal Poly students, or Americans in general, need an excuse to party.)

The Super Bowl party has evolved into one of the most popular events in this country.

Let’s take a little look at the types of people who will attend these parties:

First, you have the guy who throws the party. We all know this guy. He has to be the life of the party, so he throws the party. He can be seen talking with everyone, and spends hours setting up the decorations. This is the type of guy who doesn’t understand why his parents don’t understand, or why being a professional party-planner for a living is not a legitimate profession. Let’s all thank God that this individual is alive, because without him our lives wouldn’t be the same. Without him, many of us would never vacate the couch.

Secondly, we have the guy who never turns down free alcohol. He tries to blend in and act like he brings something to the party. He’ll be the one drunk by halftime. We all know this guy – watch out for him this weekend or you’ll be financing his good time. This guy is an unavoidable addition to the party. Embrace him, because he will be there in full force.

Next, we have the guy who always shows up to the party dressed in his team’s gear. The one problem is his team isn’t playing in the game. This is usually the random guy from Arizona wearing retro Cardinals gear. This down-and-out fan never shuts up about how his team will win it all one day. He rambles about how Brady really isn’t that good, and how only three Giants would even start on the Cardinals. This guy gets old fast.

Of course, a Super Bowl party just wouldn’t be the same if you didn’t invite your one friend who doesn’t even like sports. He couldn’t tell Tom Brady from Wayne Brady, and could ultimately care less about the game. He’s that idiot in all the ESPNews commercials. The Super Bowl and the Summer Olympics gymnastics finals register on the same level for this guy. His sports knowledge is lacking to say the least. Sample conversation:

“Man, Favre looks good – who would have thought Favre had one more Super Bowl in him?”

“Bro, Favre lost last week!”

Last but not least, you have the degenerate gambler. This one is easy to spot – he’s the individual who is a nervous wreck the entire game. He just wagered what he had left in his bank account (what was supposed to go toward her Valentine’s Day gift). He put it all on a crazy hunch known as the Giants (+12). This is the same guy who would put money on the local YMCA game if the line seemed generous.

Ending on this note, let’s all root for the Giants to not lose by any more than 12 points.

Is it obvious which category this writer falls under?

John Middlekauff is an agribusiness senior and a Mustang Daily sports columnist.

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