The Hoof is a satire column created to find the humor in the daily life of Cal Poly students. If you’re looking for news, this is not it. If you’re looking for sports, this is kind of it, because we’re having a ball. Ha. Puns. 

Hannah Benson is a journalism senior and satire columnist. The views represented do not necessarily reflect those of Mustang News.


Welcome back! Everyone’s tan and I’m not. People look hopeful and not exhausted. It must be fall quarter. 

The first couple of weeks back to class can be an exciting time. Not being able to find the building, or walking in to the wrong class can give you butterflies. However, do not let the honeymoon phase fool you. 

At first glance, the syllabus indicates signs of hasty commitment, and quarter system students know it’s time to have a chat. Students are new to this whole thing. Everyone just got out of a hot, three-month fling with summer and are honestly unsure if it’s even over between them, because it all just ended so fast. 

Of course “ghosting” by dropping the class is always an option, but all college students know healthy communication is the ultimate answer and would never. Right?

Computer science senior Teddy Johnston advised students to first acknowledge how it all started.

“I remember my first week with CSC 431,” Johnston said. “I had to explain that it wasn’t just instant attraction. This class was more than that, because I had to take it or I would not graduate.” 

By verbally recognizing the class’s importance, Johnston established a conversation built on respect that allowed him to create boundaries not only for his heart, but also, more importantly, for his brain. 

Spending every waking moment together is another sign of a class moving too fast. 

“Looking at the syllabus to one of my labs last spring, I knew it was too much too quickly,” biochemistry junior Alex Gonzales said. “Between four hours of lecture, four of lab and the two events I had to attend and pay for, I knew that those 350 points of project work would quickly lead to my textbook sleeping in my bed every night. I would be spending an unhealthy amount of time with the class after just meeting.”

As it turns out, the lab and Gonzales did end up spending too much time together, and they broke up ten weeks later. Gonzales is now seeing other classes and said he is much happier. 

History freshman Emmett Hayes voiced their concerns when their class’s syllabus mentioned a big step.

“I saw a midterm planned for week three — when my professor doesn’t even know my name without looking at the roll,” Hayes said. “My friend at SDSU has been taking things with her classes slowly, and she seems so much healthier. All HIST 303 talks about is our future together and how it will influence my career. I’m only 20!”

Hearts are known to break. Don’t do the same to your brain this quarter. The “syllabus is subject to change at my [the professor’s] discretion,” anyway. 

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