In this exclusive interview, I delved into depths few sane journalists are brave enough to venture: the mind of a self-proclaimed Cal Poly microcheater. I granted him anonymity and per his request, I will refer to him as Jack.
Tag: satire
Posted inMonday Manure - Satire
Midterm Mono outbreak
Cover your mouth and close those legs–it’s midterm mono season. Over halfway through our first semester, a monumental superspreader event is upon us as mono and strep cases reach an all-time high. Official investigations have revealed the two superspreaders: The co-ed dorm floors and musty engineering students.
Posted inSatire
A day in the life of Jeffrey Armstrong: Halloween edition
Jeff woke up with a headache. Things weren’t going well. The students and staff hadn’t loved the lemon grove idea like he thought they would. He didn’t understand — his plan involved everything students could possibly want. The super mall was even going to have Hooters and In-N-Out.Â
He got out of bed, disgruntled, and tried to put these distressing thoughts aside. He had bigger things to contemplate.Â
Halloween was coming up, and he still hadn’t picked a costume.
Posted inMonday Manure - Satire
A day in the life of Jeffrey Armstrong
It was Monday, and the sun was shining. Jeff woke up smiling, like he always does. He turned over to the other side of the bed to see Musty the Mustang. The mascot’s glass eyes stared back with the warmth of a lover.Â
Posted inSatire
JDAWG SAYS: Stay unemployed
I have written 20-some cover letters and optimized my resume with AI and have stacked my Linkedin and have gotten nowhere. At this point, who gafs? I think I was never meant to have a job. “The future is bright!” “You’re so talented!” “You have such good experience!” Okay. So, where do I go from […]
Posted inManure Satire
Cal Poly’s Musty the Mustang and UCSB’s Gaucho caught sneaky linking
In perhaps the Central Coast’s biggest scandal, Musty the Mustang and UC Santa Barbara’s OlĂ© the Gaucho have confirmed their relationship to the Manure.
Posted inManure Satire
Political demonstration on Dexter Lawn turns orgy
The Young Conservative Scholars Cal Poly chapter hosted a political demonstration on Dexter Lawn on Thursday. The demonstration in question involved lewd sexual behavior between members, Diddy style.
Posted inSatire
jdawg says: act nonchalant
i’ve been watching the jfk jr. and carolyn bassette show and listening to faye webster through wired headphones. i’ve been trying so hard to mog that my jaw is getting stiff. i came to the realization that i need to calm down. a little crush and the impending doom of unemployment have me in shambles […]
Posted inManure Satire
Five reasons you need to keep buying more clothesÂ
Get in girls, we’re going shopping. Why? Because I have nothing to wear. My closet, which is full, actually contains nothing. It is stocked with beautiful yet horrible clothes that nobody should ever buy, but also that I will never ever get rid of. Â
I can feel your judgment from here. Yes, I own five pairs of black leggings, but they are completely, fundamentally, legally distinct clothing items. One is high-waisted, one is flared, one has pockets. You would not ask someone why they own both a fork and a spoon. I am asking for that same basic human respect.
Posted inMonday Manure - Satire
St. Fratty’s survival guide: For WOWies & people who live under a rock
The Manure is a satire column created to find the humor in the daily life of Cal Poly students. If you’re looking for news, this is not it. If you’re looking for sports, this is kind of it, because we’re having a ball. Malia Mundy is a journalism junior and a satire columnist for Mustang […]
Posted inSatire
JDAWG SAYS: Start goonmogging
The Manure is Mustang News’ satire content. JDAWG SAYS is a satirical advice column written by a Mustang News staff member. This content is intended to be satirical and does not necessarily represent the views of Mustang News. Gather around, Professor JDAWG’s class is in session. Goonmogging (noun) /goon-mog/ The concept of goonmogging comes from […]