i’ve been watching the jfk jr. and carolyn bassette show and listening to faye webster through wired headphones. i’ve been trying so hard to mog that my jaw is getting stiff. i came to the realization that i need to calm down. a little crush and the impending doom of unemployment have me in shambles […]
Tag: satire
Posted inManure Satire
Five reasons you need to keep buying more clothes
Get in girls, we’re going shopping. Why? Because I have nothing to wear. My closet, which is full, actually contains nothing. It is stocked with beautiful yet horrible clothes that nobody should ever buy, but also that I will never ever get rid of.
I can feel your judgment from here. Yes, I own five pairs of black leggings, but they are completely, fundamentally, legally distinct clothing items. One is high-waisted, one is flared, one has pockets. You would not ask someone why they own both a fork and a spoon. I am asking for that same basic human respect.
Posted inMonday Manure - Satire
St. Fratty’s survival guide: For WOWies & people who live under a rock
The Manure is a satire column created to find the humor in the daily life of Cal Poly students. If you’re looking for news, this is not it. If you’re looking for sports, this is kind of it, because we’re having a ball. Malia Mundy is a journalism junior and a satire columnist for Mustang […]
Posted inSatire
JDAWG SAYS: Start goonmogging
The Manure is Mustang News’ satire content. JDAWG SAYS is a satirical advice column written by a Mustang News staff member. This content is intended to be satirical and does not necessarily represent the views of Mustang News. Gather around, Professor JDAWG’s class is in session. Goonmogging (noun) /goon-mog/ The concept of goonmogging comes from […]
Posted inManure Satire
JDAWG SAYS: How to post your lover
College is crazy. Some of you will be getting a ring before spring and others still have not had a first kiss. The art of crafting the perfect post of your boyfriend or girlfriend or fiancé or “partner” can be challenging. Publicly associating with them can be nerve-wracking. Posting your lover is basically like saying, […]
Posted inMonday Manure - Satire
The let them theory: Cal Poly edition
The self-help novel The Let Them Theory by life coach Mel Robbins has revolutionized how to approach conflict. It opts for spending less time worrying about others’ motivations and letting go of the need to control what is out of reach. I am excited to announce her latest work: an exclusive partnership with The Manure to curate a new version based on our wonderful Cal Poly community.
Posted inSatire
JDAWG SAYS: Engineers should stop complaining about finals, give grace to liberal arts
Liberal Arts students should channel their mommy issues into their essays, swap out bar-crawls for coffee-crawls, and prove to their relatives that their degrees are not a waste during finals season.
Posted inManure Satire
Kennedy Library consumed by glowing black orb
After being under renovation for over two years and reopening in September 2025, the Kennedy Library is unavailable once again, due to an all-consuming, opaque black mass that has overtaken the building.
Posted inManure Satire
Cal Poly dad breaks back attempting kegstand at ZBT
On Friday, October 31st, Cal Poly parent Rick Flannery was hospitalized attempting to kegstand at a ZBT party he attended with his wife, Karen, and daughter, Shea.
Posted inSatire
How to become a professional Yik Yaker
The Monday Manure is a satire column created to find the humor in the daily life of Cal Poly students. If you’re looking for news, this is not it. If you’re looking for sports, this is kind of it, because we’re having a ball. Madi Taylor is a sociology freshman and a satire columnist for […]
Posted inManure Satire
Six things to bring up during fraternity rush to guarantee a bid
Fraternity rush brings about the opportunity to meet lifelong friends, share unforgettable memories, and find a sense of belonging. With the second week of Cal Poly fraternity rush around the corner, here are a few tips that are guaranteed to boost your chances with the brothers.