Hannah Benson is a journalism junior and satire columnist. The views represented do not necessarily reflect those of Mustang News.


The recent unveiling of the rebranded Cal Poly logo has sparked debate across the student body, with the same question asked repeatedly: “But why?” The answer to that question is really only one of the following seven options.

Marvel is the School’s Newest Sponsor

*Spoiler Alert!* Marvel’s latest film, “Avengers: Endgame,” is making a lot of money. Marvel also has a rich dad (Walt Disney), who wants to create more revenue through an advertising partnership with the school. The decisive choice of Thor and Falcon as school mascots came after a couple of school administrators admitted a fear of spiders.

The Campus is Going for that “Medieval” Look

The “Learn by Doing” coat of arms pairs nicely with the remodeling of the campus. The blueprints for “Baker Castle” are in the final stages of approval. Musty will be knighted on May 25 at midnight. Any building without the name “engineering” or “science” will be subject to moat property.

Cal Poly found a rare bird and also a hammer near Bishop peak

Last Tuesday, biological sciences students — a.k.a. scientists — discovered an unknown species of bird amongst the rocky terrain of Bishop’s peak. The bird is described as having “unique markings” and “cool feathers.” It flew away before more notes were documented. Attempting to chase the bird, one student tripped over a lone hammer. No bird, but at least the school has a rusty old hammer now!

Cal Poly’s new and old logos. The last shield was introduced in 2015. Cal Poly | Courtesy
Cal Poly’s new and old logos. The last shield was introduced in 2015. Cal Poly | Courtesy

The School is undercover

Due to an undisclosed event (probably has to do with Musty), Cal Poly is incognito indefinitely. The administration hired “our very best” (probably Musty) to create a masterful disguise. They not only created a new design in a more rounded shield — they took the “Cal Poly” font and bolded it. No one will ever know.

Communism?

Cal Poly decided to make the rebranding part of some political agenda. It might cause a bit of controversy, though the backlash will be nothing compared to putting an elephant or donkey on the logo.  

Cal Poly recently broke up with someone

Cal Poly worked hard to establish healthy communication and plan creative date nights. However, post-honeymoon phase, the relationship started to feel one-sided. The break-up was inevitable, but feelings don’t just go away overnight. To cope, Cal Poly got the university equivalent of bangs.

Idioms

The university is honoring the two idioms that truly capture the Mustang experience: “Birds of a feather flock together,” and “Let’s get hammered!!!!!!”

No pressure, but there is one right answer, and this is 60 percent of your grade. Choose wisely.

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