I have written 20-some cover letters and optimized my resume with AI and have stacked my Linkedin and have gotten nowhere. At this point, who gafs? I think I was never meant to have a job. “The future is bright!” “You’re so talented!” “You have such good experience!” Okay. So, where do I go from […]
Category: Satire
Posted inManure Satire
Cal Poly’s Musty the Mustang and UCSB’s Gaucho caught sneaky linking
In perhaps the Central Coast’s biggest scandal, Musty the Mustang and UC Santa Barbara’s Olé the Gaucho have confirmed their relationship to the Manure.
Posted inManure Satire
Political demonstration on Dexter Lawn turns orgy
The Young Conservative Scholars Cal Poly chapter hosted a political demonstration on Dexter Lawn on Thursday. The demonstration in question involved lewd sexual behavior between members, Diddy style.
Posted inSatire
jdawg says: act nonchalant
i’ve been watching the jfk jr. and carolyn bassette show and listening to faye webster through wired headphones. i’ve been trying so hard to mog that my jaw is getting stiff. i came to the realization that i need to calm down. a little crush and the impending doom of unemployment have me in shambles […]
Posted inManure Satire
Five reasons you need to keep buying more clothes
Get in girls, we’re going shopping. Why? Because I have nothing to wear. My closet, which is full, actually contains nothing. It is stocked with beautiful yet horrible clothes that nobody should ever buy, but also that I will never ever get rid of.
I can feel your judgment from here. Yes, I own five pairs of black leggings, but they are completely, fundamentally, legally distinct clothing items. One is high-waisted, one is flared, one has pockets. You would not ask someone why they own both a fork and a spoon. I am asking for that same basic human respect.
Posted inSatire
JDAWG SAYS: Rate your professor
SATIRE: Students should rate their professors on their attire, technical skills, office hours, hygiene, career stories and required textbooks.
Posted inMonday Manure - Satire
St. Fratty’s survival guide: For WOWies & people who live under a rock
The Manure is a satire column created to find the humor in the daily life of Cal Poly students. If you’re looking for news, this is not it. If you’re looking for sports, this is kind of it, because we’re having a ball. Malia Mundy is a journalism junior and a satire columnist for Mustang […]
Posted inSatire
JDAWG SAYS: Start goonmogging
The Manure is Mustang News’ satire content. JDAWG SAYS is a satirical advice column written by a Mustang News staff member. This content is intended to be satirical and does not necessarily represent the views of Mustang News. Gather around, Professor JDAWG’s class is in session. Goonmogging (noun) /goon-mog/ The concept of goonmogging comes from […]
Posted inManure Satire
JDAWG SAYS: How to register for classes
Registration season at Cal Poly is upon us, and with the increasing number of students and limited classes, students must resort to extreme measures to get the classes they need.
Posted inSatire
JDAWG SAYS: Here’s who should headline ‘Morning on the Green’
Cal Poly and San Luis Obispo have replaced the beloved Hathaway block party with a bland “Morning on the Green” event, featuring uninspired performances and police presence, and the author suggests more diverse and interesting acts to take the stage.
Posted inMonday Manure - Satire
The worst guy you know has special plans this Valentine’s Day
As Valentine’s Day approaches, the young daters of Cal Poly are looking for love. Jason Schroeder, a business administration sophomore, is one of the lucky few who claimed to have found his person after years of what he said were spent chasing the wrong girls.