i’ve been watching the jfk jr. and carolyn bassette show and listening to faye webster through wired headphones. i’ve been trying so hard to mog that my jaw is getting stiff. i came to the realization that i need to calm down. a little crush and the impending doom of unemployment have me in shambles […]
Category: Satire
Posted inManure Satire
Five reasons you need to keep buying more clothes
Get in girls, we’re going shopping. Why? Because I have nothing to wear. My closet, which is full, actually contains nothing. It is stocked with beautiful yet horrible clothes that nobody should ever buy, but also that I will never ever get rid of.
I can feel your judgment from here. Yes, I own five pairs of black leggings, but they are completely, fundamentally, legally distinct clothing items. One is high-waisted, one is flared, one has pockets. You would not ask someone why they own both a fork and a spoon. I am asking for that same basic human respect.
Posted inSatire
JDAWG SAYS: Rate your professor
SATIRE: Students should rate their professors on their attire, technical skills, office hours, hygiene, career stories and required textbooks.
Posted inMonday Manure - Satire
St. Fratty’s survival guide: For WOWies & people who live under a rock
The Manure is a satire column created to find the humor in the daily life of Cal Poly students. If you’re looking for news, this is not it. If you’re looking for sports, this is kind of it, because we’re having a ball. Malia Mundy is a journalism junior and a satire columnist for Mustang […]
Posted inSatire
JDAWG SAYS: Start goonmogging
The Manure is Mustang News’ satire content. JDAWG SAYS is a satirical advice column written by a Mustang News staff member. This content is intended to be satirical and does not necessarily represent the views of Mustang News. Gather around, Professor JDAWG’s class is in session. Goonmogging (noun) /goon-mog/ The concept of goonmogging comes from […]
Posted inManure Satire
JDAWG SAYS: How to register for classes
Registration season at Cal Poly is upon us, and with the increasing number of students and limited classes, students must resort to extreme measures to get the classes they need.
Posted inSatire
JDAWG SAYS: Here’s who should headline ‘Morning on the Green’
Cal Poly and San Luis Obispo have replaced the beloved Hathaway block party with a bland “Morning on the Green” event, featuring uninspired performances and police presence, and the author suggests more diverse and interesting acts to take the stage.
Posted inMonday Manure - Satire
The worst guy you know has special plans this Valentine’s Day
As Valentine’s Day approaches, the young daters of Cal Poly are looking for love. Jason Schroeder, a business administration sophomore, is one of the lucky few who claimed to have found his person after years of what he said were spent chasing the wrong girls.
Posted inManure Satire
JDAWG SAYS: More athletes need to be gay
Heated Rivalry has taken over everyone’s brain and feeds, and while it’s a great show, it’s important to remember to do your homework and not get too caught up in the fan theories and edits.
Posted inSatire
JDAWG SAYS: Engineers should stop complaining about finals, give grace to liberal arts
Liberal Arts students should channel their mommy issues into their essays, swap out bar-crawls for coffee-crawls, and prove to their relatives that their degrees are not a waste during finals season.
Posted inMonday Manure - Satire
Dormcest: Do’s and don’ts
It’s no secret that horned-up freshmen are likely to crap where they eat. The hormones and excitement that surround dorm-dwellers are bound to cause some incest in freshman year living spaces. From yakʔitʸutʸu to Muir, North Mountain to Yosemite, no dorm goes unscathed by the looming presence of an awkward hook-up who lives in the same building as you.