French music is hot. HOT. OMG HOT. Like, I only listen to French music when I rollerblade in spandex along the Paris Plage. I put on my rollerblades. Oh, god. You all like Justice, right? You all know the song “D.A.N.C.E.” And you all worship Daft Punk. “Oh, Daft Punk, I love you, Daft Punk.” Ooh, or Beirut’s new album, old Serge Gainsbourg psychedelic reissue compilations or Brigitte Bardo. Speaking of hot, if you like all things French, please tune into the Le Rendezvous show on KCPR 91.3 FM Tuesdays from 5 to 6 p.m. for the hippest, Frenchiest, sexiest show hosted by Katrine and DJ Nutella.

If you’re skeptical, which smart people should be, go online and download some TTC. I recommend the “Travailler” DJ Orgasmic remix. And I’m not going to get started on French House in detail because it would take up the rest of this column. But a good place to begin is a good, old-fashioned Ed Banger’s compilation.

This fascination with all things French started on the music front quite a while ago (Daft Punk = ’90s), like back before you were calling french fries “freedom fries.”

You’re reading this because you’re hip and want to know what the hottest, newest, sexiest French album is. In my humble opinion, this would be Principles of Geometry’s “Lazare.” Why? Well, allow me to explain.

Principles of Geometry is the product of the combined genius of Guillaume Grosso and Jeremy Duval. They have beards. They use a synthesizer. This record is like a sexy-time dance party at a NASA launch site in the late ’70s, when the cocaine was good and the disco was hot. Except we would all be wearing astronaut bathing suits: speedos and mini-shorts galore. Somehow they line the album with steaming Italo-Disco cuts that drip with sex, juxtaposed against two clever hip-hop cuts that trick you into liking them. These are surrounded by expansive amounts of intelligent, technical beats that are at times fancy and for moments spacey, cinematic and otherworldly.

Then they lay out the hits, like an Italo-Disco track with Sebastien Tellier on vocoder called “A Mountain for a President,” or the straight-up club jams that build and build with layers and subtleties that will call you back again and again. This record is like a lover who treats you like a worthless sack of skin, but is so good in bed you put out every time.

French people put out.

Principles of Geometry puts out.

KCPR puts out.

Brian Cassidy is an English senior and music director for KCPR, San Luis Obispo, 91.3 FM. He’s also completely full of it.

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