Janice Edman

            We all have that internal dialogue constantly running in our minds, and usually it’s pretty ho-hum ” “Did I turn off the curling iron?  That car is driving soooo slow- Ooh, cute skirt” ” but when the lights are down and things are heating up, our minds become a swirling tornado of dirty thoughts, mental notes and running commentary.  Of course this is true for guys and girls alike, but I suspect that while what guys are thinking is pretty obvious (usually along the lines of “Don’t come yet!,” right?) the inner thoughts of most girls would come as a complete surprise to guys.  Here then, is a sample of what is going on in her head.

            God, I hope he doesn’t think my room is too weird-should I mention that I only bought that hideous lamp because it was half off at Bed Bath and Beyond and I needed a reading light?  No, keep it to yourself, he doesn’t care-wow, he’s pretty into it ” I can see that thing through his jeans.  Okay, focus.  Should I take his shirt off?  Should I take my shirt off?  That might seem kind of slutty-oh, problem solved, thank you buddy-I probably could have taken mine off without pulling out my earring and messing up my hair, but I appreciate your help nonetheless. 

            Okay onto the bed-wow he’s much heavier than I would have imagined-oh God, can’t breathe-rolling on top of him, very good and I get sexy points-guys love it when they can just lay there, right?  He’s going for the bra-still going for the bra-still going for the bra-should I help him?  I don’t want to undermine his effort-still going, his face is all pinched up in concentration, not a good look-alright let’s end the suspense, I’ll do it myself.  There, he doesn’t look too upset.  Okay say something to lift up his self-esteem again-but what to say?  What’s right between sexy and sweet?  Maybe a little moan action might be the best bet-ooh I think he liked that, must keep it in mind for later.

            So let’s see what he’s got down there…hold on, is he wearing tighty whities?? No wait, they’re boxer briefs-whew, that was a close one. Get those out of the way in any case-so there it is. Huh.  Well as long as he knows how to use it I guess we’re okay.  Ouch, I think he’s actually biting my neck right now-ouch!  Damn, I think he mistook that for a moan-better switch positions again.  Okay him on top, this is good, this is traditional-and he can’t possibly mess this up right?  Wow that actually feels really good-really good-oh just keep it up for a few more seconds and maybe I can–no, he didn’t.  He didn’t!  That wasn’t even a full minute!  Now he’s apologizing, poor guy-he looks so sweet when he feels bad.  Aww come here, a little hug action to prove I don’t mind.  Ew he’s kind of sweaty.  Kind of really sweaty.  It’s okay, he’s a guy, that’s normal.  Does he want to talk?  I kind of want to talk-I really hope he likes me, a little encouragement right now would be nice-are his eyes closed?  IS HE SNORING?? Okay, might as well turn off the hideous lamp and try to get some sleep myself.

            Of course there are many variations on this internal discourse, varying pretty much on the guy and how good he is.  But don’t ever be discouraged by what the other person might be thinking ” you’ll probably never find out, and besides ” who actually listens to the little voice in your head? 

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