For us college-folk, the days of dressing up in outfits purchased at seasonal Halloween stores and begging neighbors for candy is over.
Once you reach 18, even if you try to go trick-or-treating people assume you’re a pedophile and reciting a chant is no longer cute, nor does it result in free candy.
Now Halloween is a time to dress up for themed parties, venture to pants-pissing haunted houses and watch scary movies with that special someone.
So I say embrace becoming aged like you would embrace a fine wine. After all, with time comes knowledge and we’re in college, so you should be full of it.
Here are suggestions to turn traditional scary activities into provocative Halloween treats this year.
Take pumpkin carving to the next level and leave classic toothy Jack-O-Lantern grins for the kids. Make a sexual masterpiece out of a pumpkin by carving a scantly clad silhouette, use two and make it a pair or get creative and recreate a sex position — Eiffel Tower anyone?
Or embrace the second identity that comes with a costume. Be the someone, or something, you aren’t and engage in role playing if the opportunity arises. This is the perfect way to heat things up on a cold Halloween night. If the chance never comes up, try using a fake name or embellish stories to make things interesting — just keep it somewhat believable and keep the situation under control.
Don’t forget the Halloween candy. Indulge in a new way by capitalizing on potential aphrodisiacs — foods said to influence levels of sex-drive (whether they work or not isn’t 100 percent proven — it’s really mind over matter). These common candies have at least one key ingredient to take them from tasty treats to guilty pleasures.
- Hershey’s chocolate and M & M’s: They are solid chocolate which contain phenylethylamine and serotonin — chemicals said to increase endorphin levels and influence feelings of euphoria. This makes it easier to “melt in your mouth, not in your hand.”
- Almond Joy: The scent of almonds has been known to lead to sexual arousal in women, as it is commonly used in aromatherapy and scented candles. So add almonds to chocolateand allow yourself to benefit from all the joy.
- Laffy Taffy: These chewy taffies not only feature a joke on each wrapper, but some popular flavors are associated with aphrodisiacs, such as apple, banana and strawberry. Apples have been the fruit of temptation since the Garden of Eden; bananas contain high levels of potassium and vitamin B (both of which help produce sex-hormones); and strawberries contain high levels of antioxidants, which increase circulation — especially to erogenous zones. Even if the ingredients don’t stimulate, you can still offer a joke to spark a conversation and see where it goes from there. Other fruity candies to consider are Skittles, Tootsie Pops and Sour Patch Kids.
- Good & Plenty: A scientific study at the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation in Chicago found that the scent of black licorice increased blood flow to the penis by 13 percent; so he’ll be good with plenty to share.
The ultimate twist to the nights leading up to Halloween is passing up over-played scary movies. It is a waste to wait 18 long years and not utilize the legal authority to purchase or rent adult material — better late than never, right? So instead of getting close while watching traditional horrors, get close while watching scandalous whores.
“The Texas Vibrator Massacre”: Just like the original, except swap out the chainsaw for a vibrator and eliminate about half the clothes.
“The Night of Giving Head”: Female zombies come to attack mankind, and they only have one tactic — blow jobs.
“Ejacula”: With the new vampire craze, this movie is the perfect fix for anyone with a fetish for extra-long canine teeth and expert suckers.
Leave conventional Halloween practices at home packed between plastic skeletons and fake spiderwebs. Take advantage of the one time of year when it’s OK to unleash the freak within — whether it’s through costumes, decor or in the bedroom.
Karlee Prazak is a journalism junior and Mustang Daily copy editor.