Douglas B. Bruzzone and Michael Matzke

Editor’s note: “Two Classy Gents” is an online excluse humor column.

Recently, several members of the San Luis Obispo community have arrived at a new topic of discourse. We cannot stand idly by while our community tears itself apart over the hot-button issue of public transportation. Parents disown their children merely for bus ridership, students repeat information from esteemed social leaders, and gang members from as far as Salinas come to San Luis Obispo, only to realize that the discussion has taken a very uncouth turn. If you will indulge us, faithful Mustang Daily reader, we shall present our own scientific analysis of this situation.

If we wish to understand the legacy of public transportation and how it affects us, we must first understand its origins. The word bus comes from the Greek word bous, meaning “a large automobile supporting the transportation of lower-class citizens and hobos alike.” Citizens of Greek society regarded those who took the bus as inferior, and often threw pomegranate seeds at them to show disgust. Public transportation eventually took on a more important role in society, after King Ralph used the vehicle to transport prophets and other key members of society who wished to use finger-painting materials. Thereafter, the term “rideth la shortbous” became an immediate sign of respect within the community. Unfortunately, the phrase became tainted by sixth-graders.

Supporters of San Luis Obispo’s public transit have commented that it provides an immediate solution to traffic congestion, and that the convenience of such a large-scale public works project is unmatched. We agree, that the bus is public, and it’s for everyone. However, it neglects to pick up those who arrive in a tardy fashion to the “transportation terminal.” We find this move very disrespectful. How can they claim to be a “public transportation service” when they do not even include these tardy citizens of the community? The bus is becoming symbolic of the metaphor for the puzzle, and this, of course, does not make any sense. We encourage the San Luis Obispo Transit System to start making sense by stop not making sense.

Encourage us, students and faculty alike, as we perch upon our metaphorical “soapbox” and yell at these members of the community who actively take part in the bus system. Wasn’t it a few hundred years ago when the bus was a symbol for racism? And, aren’t buses being used in today’s crazy, messed up world as explosion devices? So if you take the bus, doesn’t that make you a racist-terrorist-goth person?

Don’t mind us, but the term “you just got served” applies to you, you stupid. Maybe San Luis Obispo needs to invent a stupid bus, just for you stupids, and you can see how it feels when all the tardy citizens of the community point and laugh at you. Don’t get personal? Well, we just popped your transit bubble, so we can do whatever we want. Stupid.

Classy: Your mom regularly commutes on San Luis Obispo’s public transportation system.

Uncouth: More like, the male genitalia transportation system. Oh, snap!

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published.