Zachary Antoyan is a political science junior and Mustang Daily liberal columnist. 

Our nation has been through extensive dialogue on the role of guns and gun rights in our daily lives. I have heard endless arguments from the plethora (I love the word plethora; this has been a public service announcement) of sides, such as advocating a ban on handguns or positing increased numbers of guns carried at public schools in the interest of safety. All of these suggestions and arguments, supposedly having the ability to cure this nation’s gun-related ailments, concurrently and decisively split the public on a course of action.

It would seem this discourse takes us to a point of contention that cannot be resolved or scaled back. So I have here my trusty Bag of Totally Non-Partisan Ideas (patent pending) to help us out. Because in all honesty, there aren’t very many opportunities to use this thing. I’ll pull an idea out, and hopefully it will give us a little nudge in the right direction. One moment … all right, here we go.

Everyone gets a gun. Let’s start there. It is because I believe that trying to eliminate guns, institutionally, to be as impossible as outlawing the consumption of alcohol. I advocate, in the interest of public safety and equality, we give a gun to all citizens above the age of 21 who have no record of serious mental illness (or felonies).

We live in a world with constant threats. If the amount of emails I get about mountain lion sightings isn’t proof enough, we’ve also got this evil thing called big government I’ve heard is out to get us.

Additionally, we must consider the threats our neighbors pose. Whether it be the ones who build their guns out of fancy printers or those who keep missing persons in their basements for more than 10 years, we are consistently given reasons to be on our guard. Old Mr. Henderson across the street? Who knows what he could be doing with “The Price is Right” playing so loudly. Seems pretty suspicious. These events have forced us to ask: “How prepared am I in the event of violent action against myself or my loved ones?” For many people, the answer is: one family member with a gun is too little. After nearly every one of the tragic mass shootings, gun sales around the country have seen significant upward spikes.

And the threats don’t stop there. How long before the police start using drones to monitor our every action? And how long after that do the drones gain self-awareness and turn on their squishy masters? Neighbors, mountain lions, Skynet and the government — all out to get us. The only way to protect ourselves is to arm up.

Of course, we cannot grant the ability to Washington to force us to buy guns like it is doing with healthcare. Our right to bear arms as provided by the Second Amendment could allow for the distribution of weapons, if we so deemed that interpretation necessary. Think of it as the fourth separation of power. Nothing says, “Don’t infringe upon my rights” like the constant threat of a Mexican standoff.

Better yet, through this interpretation, we open the door to more comprehensive regulations on the distribution, acquisition and actions taken with guns. Requiring that guns, for instance, only fire when held in the same hand as a ring that is electronically tied to the gun. Maybe even some gun safety lessons as a mandatory prerequisite could be a part of this. But most guns have safety buttons, right? That should take care of it.

And all this complaining about jobs during the past few years? Well, with all those available hands to put guns into, we’re going to need to hire a lot more people to make them. You mad, economy?

The attempts made by our government to address the problems presented by guns have been sad and limited. If you want to have a meaningful conversation about the future of guns in this country, then why not consider what it would be like for everyone to have one?

The economy and guns — two things we can check off our list of problems with this country that needs to be fixed. Bag of Totally Non-Partisan Ideas: 1. Washington: 0.

This is Zachary Antoyan, thinking that it is no fun to watch the sun go down in the library, and then watch it come up again the next day. What is sleep?

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