Editor's note:
JDAWG SAYS is a satirical advice column written by a Mustang News staff member. This content is intended to be satirical and does not necessarily represent the views of Mustang News.
This article contains adult content, and viewer discretion is advised.
At the end of every term, students get bombarded with faculty review forms. JDAWG loves to write a little review — as a thank you for the many hours of therapy or to cosplay a Karen. You really should too.
Week 10 is the week to do it. So, pull up your portal or queue up Polyratings and get to cracking on some reviews.
Here are some things you should consider:
Fit check them
One time, I had a professor who wore slim-fit Lululemon sets to every class. His biceps looked good — I can’t lie — but like have some decorum. He had to make an announcement one day to ask people to stop taking his picture during class. Please, rate your profs on their attire because they surely judge you on your drip.
Can they use Airplay?
Some of these faculty don’t know how to set up a canvas or run an AI check properly. It gets to a point where their technical ineptitude affects class. Be upfront and honest with Cal Poly about their ability to operate a classroom — the girlies on the IT golf carts will thank you.
READ MORE JDAWG: Skipped your essay? Here are some excuses
Rate them in bed
We all know it happens… Some of you guys have gnarly office hours. I’m a firm believer that you should rate all your interactions with your professors, even the extracurriculars. Make note if they boosted your grade or have a wife.
Do they smell?
Is there a musty and thick smell when they walk into the room? That is not normal. You should complain in the review box if their aura smells. Basic hygiene should be a job requirement, and the university should be offering a deodorant stipend.
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Careermogging needs to chill
Don’t let your professor just yap about their career for two hours. You are not paying them to boots-ego-boost them. You are paying them to teach you, and their bland war stories from the 70s are not getting you anywhere.
Do you have to buy their textbook
My friends have had a few professors write their own textbook for their field, which seems awesome until they tell you to cough up $70 to buy it. This scheme feels a little unethical, but the situation gets worse when they ask if you want their autograph in it.