i’ve been watching the jfk jr. and carolyn bassette show and listening to faye webster through wired headphones. i’ve been trying so hard to mog that my jaw is getting stiff. i came to the realization that i need to calm down. a little crush and the impending doom of unemployment have me in shambles […]
Author Archives: JDAWG
Posted inSatire
JDAWG SAYS: Rate your professor
SATIRE: Students should rate their professors on their attire, technical skills, office hours, hygiene, career stories and required textbooks.
Posted inSatire
JDAWG SAYS: Start goonmogging
The Manure is Mustang News’ satire content. JDAWG SAYS is a satirical advice column written by a Mustang News staff member. This content is intended to be satirical and does not necessarily represent the views of Mustang News. Gather around, Professor JDAWG’s class is in session. Goonmogging (noun) /goon-mog/ The concept of goonmogging comes from […]
Posted inManure Satire
JDAWG SAYS: How to register for classes
Registration season at Cal Poly is upon us, and with the increasing number of students and limited classes, students must resort to extreme measures to get the classes they need.
Posted inSatire
JDAWG SAYS: Here’s who should headline ‘Morning on the Green’
Cal Poly and San Luis Obispo have replaced the beloved Hathaway block party with a bland “Morning on the Green” event, featuring uninspired performances and police presence, and the author suggests more diverse and interesting acts to take the stage.
Posted inManure Satire
JDAWG SAYS: How to post your lover
College is crazy. Some of you will be getting a ring before spring and others still have not had a first kiss. The art of crafting the perfect post of your boyfriend or girlfriend or fiancé or “partner” can be challenging. Publicly associating with them can be nerve-wracking. Posting your lover is basically like saying, […]
Posted inManure Satire
JDAWG SAYS: Skipped your essay? Here are some excuses
SATIRE: Students have to come up with creative excuses to explain why they can’t finish their essays on time, from ChatGPT being down to the bars being too busy.
Posted inManure Satire
JDAWG SAYS: More athletes need to be gay
Heated Rivalry has taken over everyone’s brain and feeds, and while it’s a great show, it’s important to remember to do your homework and not get too caught up in the fan theories and edits.
Posted inSatire
JDAWG SAYS: Engineers should stop complaining about finals, give grace to liberal arts
Liberal Arts students should channel their mommy issues into their essays, swap out bar-crawls for coffee-crawls, and prove to their relatives that their degrees are not a waste during finals season.
Posted inSatire
JDAWG SAYS: Trust your gut, not the government
The Manure is Mustang News’ satire content. JDAWG SAYS is a satirical advice column written by a staff member in Mustang News. This content is intended to be satirical and does not necessarily represent the views of Mustang News. This article contains adult language and viewer discretion is advised. It is crazy how much information […]
Posted inSatire
JDAWG SAYS: The ultimate guide to becoming a Cal Poly gym bro
There are lots of opportunities on our campus that you should take advantage of to get the full Cal Poly student experience and because we pay hella fees. One of these expenses is a mandatory fee that contributes to the Rec Center, which in my mind means mandatory gains. Open 6 a.m. to midnight during […]