Erin Yarwood is a journalism senior and opinion columnist for Mustang News. The opinions expressed in this article do not necessarily reflect those of Mustang Media Group.
The Manure is a satire column created to find humor in the daily life of Cal Poly students. If you’re looking for news, this is not it. If you’re looking for sports, this is kind of it, because we’re having a ball.
Finding parking in San Luis Obispo, especially for a Cal Poly student without a permit, is a daily struggle that tests your patience and creativity. Here’s a ranked breakdown of the most lucky and most desperate parking spots I’ve seen parked in, from worst to best.
9. In Front of Your Neighbor’s Driveway (They Can’t Get Out)
A last-resort move when you’re circling for the tenth time. You tell yourself you’ll move your car in “just a minute,” but that usually turns into an annoyed neighbor knocking on your door the next morning. If you do this more than once a quarter (or at all), you should probably take a look into your soul and work on being a little less selfish.
8. Stenner/Kentucky/Abbott Street
These streets are full of parallel parking. Every once in a while you come across a lucky find, but mostly these streets are just places you get your hopes up for before being quickly let down. While driving around these streets you may become agitated at the three foot gaps left between cars. Big enough for a smart car, maybe, but not for you. “Learn how to park!” you think to yourself before driving away.
7. The Grand Parking Lot (Without a Permit)
A true gamble. You might make it out unscathed, or you might be greeted by a little yellow envelope under your windshield wiper. If you’re feeling lucky, go for it. Just don’t complain when Cal Poly’s Parking Services tracks you down like the bloodhounds they are. Always remember the ticket doesn’t really count until they’ve denied your appeal.
6. That Tight Parallel Spot on Your Street
A rare find: a parking spot on your busy street at 10 PM. What a blessing! But, when you get closer you recognize that this parallel parking job might be a bit of a squeeze. You get in after giving the curb behind you a hit, and the car in front of you a little kiss. It’s okay, no one saw. Right? You slither away, hoping you’ll be able to get out safely in the morning.
5. The Paid Parking in Front of the Rec Center
There are only about 30 spots on Perimeter Road. They aren’t free and might all be taken, but at least you know you’re not getting a ticket. It’s the price of convenience, and honestly, sometimes it’s worth it. Just make sure you don’t pull up as class is getting out or you will get caught in a stampede of students.
4. In Front of Your Neighbor’s Driveway (They Can Definitely Get Out)
Ok, so you might be a little in the red, but nothing too drastic. You get out of your car and triple check that there’s room for your neighbor’s gigantic truck to get through before taking a deep breath and putting the parking brake on. All should be fine, as long as your neighbor isn’t an jerk.
3. Blocking Your Roommate In
Sure, this isn’t ideal, but at least you’re not blocking a stranger. You’ll move your car eventually or when they bang on your door 10 minutes before their 8 AM class. But, with good roommate communication and a busy group chat, this is not a bad option whatsoever.
2. The Two Hour Parking on Hathway and Longview
The holy grail of free parking near campus… if you time it right. You might need to flip an illegal U-turn to secure a spot or follow someone leaving the rec to their car, but it’s all worth it. For a sweet 90-minute workout at the rec, you don’t have to worry about parking enforcement writing you up for parking in the lot right next to these streets because you couldn’t find a spot anywhere else.
1. Your Garage
You lucky duck! If you have a garage in SLO and you get to park in it before your other unworthy roommates then good for you. No permit to pay for, no scouring the streets at night for a spot, and not even a worry about a bird pooping on your windshield. Good for you! I’m only a little bit jealous. Ok, maybe a lot bit jealous.
