You’re right. I talk a big game. I basically declared war on the Sex and Dating column at the beginning of this quarter, crying for a change from its former mediocrity. I haven’t been able to please everyone all of the time, but I have managed to meet the goals I set at the start of this adventure. Except one: inclusiveness.
What? You protest. Haven’t I, somewhere in this sarcastic mess of a column, addressed an LGBT issue, sexual health information and even a topic most sex columnists find too graphic to discuss? Yes, but I’ve been working with an assumption that is, believe it or not, wrong: All college students have sex.
I have failed you, my abstinent readers. But honestly, I don’t have enough to say about abstinence for an entire column. I’m not abstinent, but I have nothing against it. Yawn. This is the kind of column I hated reading for the last four years. But I want those of you who are not sexually active to know that you’re not alone. Many people don’t have sex. I’m making the conscious decision to not get it on right now because it would be very difficult to write this column. So, to at least find a compromise for this inclusiveness issue, here is a list I made of very good reasons for not having sex:
1. When you are not emotionally ready for it.
2. When you don’t have protection with you. Safer sex, kids!
3. When one, both or all of you are drunk.
4. When you are at a funeral.
5. When you are at a family reunion.
6. When you are at or before a job interview. And to be clear, I include this on the list not because you won’t get the job, but because using this method to obtain a job will set a standard for the position(s) you take at the company.
7. During the third trimester of your pregnancy.
8. When you need to take something out of the oven in 15 seconds.
9. When doing any kind of project that involves super glue.
10. If you see something that looks like a camera in the room. Exception: If you discussed the camera’s involvement beforehand.
11. When your parents call to say they are on their way to your apartment.
12. When you are on a bunk bed that you share with a roommate.
13. When your hunger meter is low or your bladder meter is high. Note: only applies if you are a Sim. Also, how hilarious would it be if we started calling it “whoopee” in real life?
14. After eating spicy foods.
15. When “House“ is on.
I must be missing something. How does this fall any where above the realm of “mediocrity”? Denise’s columns were better, get off your high horse.
I do call it whoopie in real life. Most girls don’t find it that attractive.
When you are expecting an important phone call? Or you have a deadline in the very near future.
Or when someone involved is on fire, or has stitches from a recent surgery, or is actively bleeding from a recent wound. Seriously gotta reprioritize.
I love it when it’s called whoopie. I have an urge to just jump in a bed and kick the sheets around. Which in itself doesn’t really contribute to the ‘sex’ part, I suppose…
Number seven is totally wrong. Sex during your third trimester is perfectly safe, if not helpful, unless you have a high risk pregnancy. Sex during your third trimester of pregnancy relieves pregnancy headaches, backaches, and even helps your stretching aching hips out a lot. There are many ways you can modify intercourse if it is unconfatable for you, but the benefits are still there. Sex was the only thing that would get rid of my aching back during my pregnancy 4.5 years ago, which was recommneded to me by my obgyn. Sex is a safe alternative to taking pills which effect the baby. So yes, use caution when in the third trimester, talk with your doctor, and don’t do anything you don’t feel confatable with, but thats like anything else do it if it helps you, don’t if it hurts you.
BreeAnna McManus – Economics Major – Second Year – Junior
and Proud Mom to my 4 year old son, Zander!
BreeAnna,
Thank you! I was quickly informed by all of the moms I know how wrong #7 is, and I regret not having researched it further before publication of this column. Thank you so much for providing information from experience on this one!