I have never gone on spring break. I have gone away for spring break ” a chilly trip to New York where I had strep throat and enjoyed what I could of the city from the hotel room bathtub ” but I have never “gone on spring break.” Don’t get me wrong, I love the combination of cheap Mexican beer, hundreds of drunk college students and a high incidence of STD contagions as much as the next sex columnist. But for whatever reason I never managed to hop on a plane and experience all the craziness myself, so I did a little more research into the sexuality of it all according to columnists for other school papers.
In an article I found in the Yale Daily News (remember, those kids wrote the book on how to party hard and still manage to be elected president), spring break should be a combination of both crazy partying and-humanitarian endeavors in foreign countries. Well, I guess you could manage to get freaky with the foreman on the site of your Habitat for Humanity house, but if you plan to do it at the actual construction site, keep an eye peeled for rusty nails and other hazards.
The Dartmouth Online (I know, catchy name) claims visiting friends should be the main reason for traveling over spring break. They also recommend participating in community service projects, just like Yale does. I think it’s time I look at an online newspaper that isn’t full of empty resume-d kids desperately trying to get into law school.
I figured Chico’s newspaper, the Orion, would be chock-full of spring break fun facts, like the best beaches to have sex on or how to tell if you really are too drunk to sleep with someone (it’s always an incredibly tough call for me). An article I found there recommended a road trip to get the most out of the time off. A few girls recounted their junior year drive to Rosarito, the subsequent breakdown of the car while past the border, and their mechanic Pepe and his amigo’s offer of a free place to say for the night ” their beds. Okay, definitely not the type of spring break sex I wanted to research-and the girls declined the hospitable but extremely creepy offer, anyway.
My earnest search yielded no solid advice, fun stories or even great locale options for a wild spring break. Disheartened, I made the mental note to rent that MTV movie they made about the subject, and I also turned to my own friends for their own opinions about our upcoming week of freedom. My roommate is heading to Mexico and has been hitting the gym hard in anticipation, but she claims that’s more to feel confident in a bikini than to elicit the looks of male spring breakers. In fact, a lot of my friends will be wandering the streets of SLO or going home during break, so maybe it’s not necessary to go on a wild romp south of the border to have a complete spring break. In any event, I’ll still go rent that DVD and then probably pass off the exploits I see as my own-it’s still cheaper than a plane ticket.