The Manure is a satire column created to find the humor in the daily life of Cal Poly students. If you’re looking for news, this is not it. If you’re looking for sports, this is kind of it, because we’re having a ball.
Malia Mundy is a journalism junior and a satire columnist for Mustang News. The opinions expressed in this article do not necessarily reflect those of Mustang Media Group.
The self-help novel The Let Them Theory by life coach Mel Robbins has revolutionized how to approach conflict. It opts for spending less time worrying about others’ motivations and letting go of the need to control what is out of reach. I am excited to announce her latest work: an exclusive partnership with The Manure to curate a new version based on our wonderful Cal Poly community.
Let them steal from VG’s market.
Everyone knows it’s good karma. It’s the act of letting go and taking control of your own narrative. Pocketing a protein bar and turning around to exit has been proven to bring good energy. The energy you want for 2026. Do (steal) what’s best for you, queen.
Let them keep the squid in the Red Bricks.
They say the final act of love is letting go. I say nay. The ultimate act of being unbothered and “letting them” would be to let the squid naturally decay in the Red Bricks ceiling. That place is where things decay and rot anyway.
Let them unicycle.
We see them all around campus, trudging up hills, whipping around corners and balancing with seamless grace. Why ogle at them? In reality, they get to class faster than us and have not only a solid community but an eclectic hobby. We are the chumps heaving around while they mind their own business.
Let them say they are from the Bay Area if they are from Napa.
Why do people get so bothered by this? Napa is hella the Bay Area.
Let them post about their “tri-tip” challenge.
The most productive thing you can do in this scenario is be unbothered. Or you could report said post for nudity, which is a chill way to shadowban them (don’t ask how I know).
Let them be a niche girl.
Niche girl syndrome is running rampant at Cal Poly. We need to let them wear their Carhartt jackets, crocheted beanies and Mary Jane Doc Martins. If they want to tell you how much they spent at Thrifty Beaches, let them. It’s ok that they have a patchwork tote bag and a better Spotify playlist than you could dream of.
Let them go to the afters.
Pregame this, pregame that, but what about letting them continue the festivities until dawn? Musty the Mustang advises studying 25-35 hours a week alongside attending at least three afters. Bonus points if you end up on Albert or Chaplin.