Julianne Byer

          So now that we’ve vented and had our “couple bashing” fun we must re-group and realize – well, reality.

         After all, if we are all to live peacefully in such a society, we must do so. But it isn’t the fact that singles are labeled either lonely or promiscuous, aren’t offered as great tax benefits and are socially outcast and drowning: it’s the fact that we have instincts telling us to give in. It’s a constant battle; not only with the paired, but with ourselves.

             Some hate the fact that their instincts need someone else. Overeaters don’t hate food, they hate that they need food. To know that we aren’t happy until we tie the knot is unsettling. I suppose it isn’t out of line to think that while couples make the world go round, singles sit and watch it spin. Jumping in to join is unfortunately the only way for most of us to get included.

            It’s exhausting to go through and find all of the boy-bashing books telling women that they should love the way they look and never let a guy be the first person to tell them they are beautiful. But in a way it all makes sense. Love songs, Valentines Day, snowy winter evenings in a log cabin, even Saturday nights, i.e. “Date Night,” i.e. “Don’t go to a restaurant alone unless you plan on getting it to go.”

             I would put money down that the population of people who enjoy these days alone and single is slim to none. Why? Because if heterosexual women truly were happy alone and single, then every women’s magazine cover wouldn’t look as if a relationship has thrown up all over it? They know deep down what everybody wants; even those that fear commitment and avoid it like the plague and those that have been burned so badly that cats seem to be the only companion worthy of sharing the remote with.

            So what is the answer you ask? How in the world do we get ourselves out of this rut, wherein we want to be single, but only until it’s time for us to be paired off? Hmmm, unfortunately if I knew this answer I myself would be a much happier person, and probably much better off financially. The healthiest thing to do here is laugh them off and play along with their little ways.  The natural thing to do here is scream until they turn just as blue as you, and you’re able to make them feel about as half as you have felt for so many years.

            If you are spinning out of control, fill your gap with something permanent. In other words, don’t go out and drink away your weekends unless you plan to fully commit your life to having a bottle in one hand and a ton of baggage in the other. This may stop some of you from throwing away your life before it’s really begun. And for those that sort of fall in between spinning out of control and just choosing to dance that way, spend your time working on becoming the You that people should be meeting.

            I think if we had a list of all our faults tattooed to our forehead life would be surprisingly easier, at least in the dating world. But instead we need to know what they are. This will keep the single stigma from weighing you down with those “issues” deemed not being relationship ready. If you are lucky, you will already know that they aren’t and you’ll be well on your way to pairing them with someone else’s, rather than trying to hide them. 





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