The Two Classy Gents had a rough week. First of all, someone gave us a fashion memo that said wearing Birkenstocks with socks apparently isn’t cool, causing us to discard our entire wardrobe. Then we heard that burning Styrofoam depletes the ozone layer, so we had to put out our giant Styrofoam fire. Finally, we looked at the ASI ballot, and the Two Classy Gents were not listed. Something had to be done.
That something was parking in the ASI president’s parking spot. Yes, we were a bit jealous of him getting a spot so prime that the Pope would’ve parked his Popemobile there. But it felt good too. It felt like we had total control over all of the school, and that we could put chocolate milk in the drinking fountains and have Pizza Day every Wednesday.
Maybe you’re thinking that there are probably a lot of fines associated with such an action. But we’ll tell you what: We got away with it, and we’d even do it again. However, we would not perform the act three times, because that’s just pushing it. We also had to kill a guy and flee the country, but we got away.
You might ask yourself, faithful Mustang Daily reader, did they back up into the parking spot? Oh, perhaps they could have parallel parked. No, we did neither. We parked sideways, and partially in a handicapped spot. However, we spoke with the handicapped gentleman who was about to use the spot and he said it was OK to do, and he even admitted that it looked sort of cool.
We might have not moved our car for five minutes. Maybe 10 minutes. Who knows? It could still be there as you’re reading this article. But we don’t care, no, we don’t even vote for ASI president. The last time we voted for anything was Coke being better than Pepsi, and damnit, Pepsi won that battle. We also voted against brushing your teeth, but the dentists won that time too. But that’s only because we’re British.
We heard that Tylor was mad about the situation, but then we thought “Boy, that name sure is spelled weird.” So overall, we didn’t care.
So here’s the deal. If you think you’re badass like us, and you can handle the fuzz comin’ down hard on you, then we’ll tell you. But you have to promise not to tell anyone. Promise? K. It’s behind building 45 and-
Wait, you told your friend? That’s it, we’re ending this column.
Classy: The Popemobile. It’s protected from bullets, and you can squeeze a lot of hotties in there.
Uncouth: Stabbing people. Think about the Golden Rule: Would you want to be stabbed? If so, you are weird.
Mike Matzke and Doug Bruzzone are two classy gents and Mustang Daily columnists.