John Washington is an opinion columnist for Mustang News. The opinions expressed in this article do not necessarily reflect those of Mustang Media Group.
The Monday Manure is a satire column created to find the humor in the daily life of Cal Poly students. If you’re looking for news, this is not it. If you’re looking for sports, this is kind of it, because we’re having a ball.
The San Luis Obispo Police Department arrested a Cal Poly student Tuesday on multiple counts of possession of illegal merchandise allegedly related to Cal Poly graduation ceremonies.
SLOPD received information last week that Michael McGreen, 21, was selling graduation tickets on the black market locally. They subsequently found evidence linking McGreen to an “Operation Cap & Gown.” The investigation suggested tickets were claimed fraudulently, reprinted by counterfeit means and mass distributed for profit.
When detectives served a search warrant at the suspect’s residence, they found several hundred tickets to each of the six commencement ceremonies and multiple briefcases of cash.
However, McGreen resisted arrest and fled the scene in his vehicle. A dangerous hours-long chase ensued, resulting in hundreds of thousands of dollars in city damages. According to the police, it was all worth it to catch this criminal mastermind.
“This isn’t just some kid with a printer,” said Detective Pudge Funkley. “This is a full-blown grad cartel.”
“I’m just a businessman meeting the demand of the people,” McGreen said in an exclusive interview with Mustang News. “They’ll never stop us all, I’m simply a cog in a massive machine.”
The judge denied McGreen bail because he is a flight risk. He remains in custody, according to the police report.
