The Monday Manure is a satire column created to find the humor in the daily life of Cal Poly students. If you’re looking for news, this is not it. If you’re looking for sports, this is kind of it, because we’re having a ball.
Zach Berston is a journalism senior and a satire columnist for Mustang News. The opinions expressed in this article do not necessarily reflect those of Mustang Media Group.
What started as a simple fire drill in the Red Brick Dorms has turned into a beacon of hope for the loneliest among us.
As hoards of engineering students filed out of their building, expressions of shock took to their faces as they realized that other people actually lived in the same building as them.
According to resident Wembley Chixton, “I’ve walked through these hallways every single day, and I’ve never run into another human being. I saw a custodian one time but I hadn’t slept for three days so I figured it was a hallucination. I didn’t even know I had a roommate until today.”
The activation of the ceiling sprinklers also resulted in a rare shower for a majority of the residents. Soon after the end of the drill, many of the students filed quietly back into their rooms, anticipating the thrill of their next social interaction in a couple years.