Week of Welcome crime numbers saw big changes between 2013 and 2014. | File Photo/Mustang News

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Benjy Egel
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Benjy Egel is a journalism sophomore and Mustang Daily columnist.

Many fraternities, apartment complexes and upperclassmen will be holding parties during Week of Welcome (WOW), where new Mustangs will be invited to celebrate entering college life.

You’ve all taken Alcohol-Wise, or at least said you did, and there will be more alcohol awareness programs throughout WOW. Still, it seems prudent to offer a little more advice on handling SLO’s nightlife.

Do: Pace yourself

The next four years of party hopping and debauchery are going to be a marathon, not a sprint. And people who try to sprint marathons end up far short of the finish line.

Many people choose not to drink in college, and that’s perfectly fine. Others want to get acquainted with new people and feel friendlier after a drink or two.

Drinking until your liver cries for help, though, is a sure-fire way to alienate hallmates and endanger yourself. If your new friends are decent people, they’ll sacrifice the rest of the night to clean up your vomit, turn you on your side and make sure everything is okay. If not, good luck.

No one is going to be impressed by how many shots of plastic bottle vodka you can put away, so relax, have a good time, and remember that you’re just newborn party animals out in the jungle.

Don’t: Do anything too stupid

As hip-hop philosopher R. Kelly once sang, “I don’t see nothing wrong with a little bump and grind.” The problem, R. Kelly later realized, is that society sees something wrong with peeing anywhere but the toilet.

The San Luis Obispo Police Department (SLOPD) will double fine for public urination, nudity and possessing open containers of alcohol during WOW, meaning that first-time offenders will be slapped with a $700 citation.

Most folks are smart enough not to streak Hathway while double-fisting Keystone Lights, but people don’t realize that fines accompany relieving oneself in a bush. Not only will you be cited for public urination, but cops won’t hesitate to write public intoxication, disorderly conduct and Minor In Possession (MIP) tickets.

Cops aren’t looking to arrest the entire freshman class before school starts, though. If you don’t show signs of being drunk, walking back to the dorm should be a breeze. Sit down on the curb, though, and it’s game over.

Do: Know where you’re going

I’m sure the class of 2017 is full of bright young minds, but virtually no freshman knows SLO yet. Find out the party’s address and plug it into your smartphone before heading out.

Knowing the name of a fraternity isn’t enough, because without a designated Greek Row, parties can be blocks apart. Same goes for apartment complexes or small house parties.

The fact that all fraternities use greek letters is also confusing, especially when the letters aren’t posted outside the house. On the first night out, you won’t know the difference between Beta Theta Pi, Alpha Epsilon Pi, Sigma Pi and the dorm kids baking a pie.

Don’t: Miss WOW activities

I don’t care how hung over you are, how weird that one kid is, or even if there’s a day party going on. Every day of WOW is a great opportunity to meet people you might not otherwise interact with.

WOW leaders have been preparing awesome activities for you for the past five months. And if that’s not enough of a guilt trip, your parents paid money for you to participate in this program.

Missing out on laser tag, kayaking, hiking, beach exploring and all kinds of other ill stuff to sleep off last night’s rager is lazy, and moreover, stupid. Remember, YOWO: You Only WOW Once. Technically that’d be YOWOWO, an acronym that’s still not as dumb as skipping WOW.

By the way, upperclassmen are going to be yelling “WOWIES!” at you all week, and there’s nothing to do but embrace it. People are happy to see the new blood on campus, and you just have to deal with it for now.

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