Erin Yarwood is a journalism junior and opinion columnist for Mustang News. The opinions expressed in this article do not necessarily reflect those of Mustang Media Group.

That time of year has crept up on Cal Poly students once again. Landlords are reaching out, leases are being signed and friends are becoming roommates. However, finding a house in San Luis Obispo is no simple task, at least for the majority. And once you do find a house for the school year, there’s no promise it will be all that you hoped for

Here lies a list of seven very real, suspiciously specific SLO college houses ranked in descending order. 

7. The Dorm 2.0 House

Thank God, you’re out of the dorms! No more thin walls, twin xl mattresses, or shared rooms. Not to mention, no more seeing your neighbor from down the hall who glares at you while you walk to the laundry room. But, oh wait, in Dorm 2.0 you can get all this, plus a longer walk to campus. Welcome to Mustang Village! It’s not really a college house, so how can it be ranked any higher?

6. The Not-So-Legal Roommate House

The lease on this house allows for three tenants, and there are three… plus an extra guest who stays the whole year and pays rent. Tucked up in the lofted room (that’s technically not allowed to have a bed) soundly sleeps a fourth roomie who brings the rent down to $700. It’s chill, they just have to hide their mattress when the landlord comes by.

5. The Surprise Caution Tape House

They say home is where the heart is. But, for this house’s tenants home is where you wake up on a random Wednesday morning and discover a crane at your window and your sliding door covered with caution tape and a warning sign. Your balcony is falling off. Zero Warning from  landlord or construction workers was given for this niche engineering catastrophe. Where will you sesh now?!

4. The Rustic House with Character

What a beautiful home! Its weathered appearance evokes a feeling of nostalgia and warmth in every guest’s heart. A beautifully overgrown backyard, scratched hardwood floors, and big bay window houses five or six happy little granola roommates. Sure the bathroom flooded with feces a few weeks ago, but the landlord made sure to respond to it in a somewhat timely manner. At least the other bathroom, the one with the moldy floor falling in, was usable. 

3. The No-One-Sleeps-Here House

Purely out of coincidence, all two or three roommates in this house have ended up in relationships at the same time. It’s not that they don’t love their home, they just prefer to sleep in the partners’ bigger, comfier, warmer beds. Maybe the dwellers of this house see each other every now and then when they stop home to eat and grab their overnight bag. The house is lonely, and finds comfort in its new guests… a group of rats.

2. The Brothel Team House

A classic college house staple: a sport’s house. Adorned with trophies, medals, team posters, and the smell of sweat. An absolutely fun place to live, but even more fun to visit (and not live). The overflowing fridge is a testament that this house is an attempt to cram as many teammates in one place as possible. No more than 10 women though, or SLO legally considers it a brothel!

1. The “How TF Did You Get This House” House

This isn’t any run-of-the-mill college house; It’s a college home. And that’s why it has rightly earned my number one spot in the ranking. Each roommate has their own bedroom, there’s a garage and a driveway, a big backyard, it’s basically on campus, and despite the noise, the landlord doesn’t bother to fine you for your weekly parties. Guests gawk at your luckiness. “How tf did you get this house,” they say. Your roommate’s dad owns it.