Credit: Sam Shin | Mustang News

The Hoof is a satire column created to find the humor in the daily life of Cal Poly students. If you’re looking for news, this is not it. If you’re looking for sports, this is kind of it, because we’re having a ball. Ha. Puns.

Hannah Benson is a journalism senior and satire columnist. The views represented do not necessarily reflect those of Mustang News.

Tears and stress sweat are dripping on laptop keyboards, once more. It’s class registration season for Cal Poly students. A lovely time to expose that ever-expanding student body, unless, of course, you park on campus, making that fact a daily reminder. 

Applying to classes involves careful consideration. Students may ask themselves: Is this required for my major? Does the professor go by their first name? Is my ex in the same section? Can I still win my ex back by attending an earlier section and telling them if we have a pop quiz that day? How is my ex doing?

However, an additional question needs to be examined while one peruses PASS: Where is the class held?

The Hoof and Yelp present a collaboration that provides honest reviews, written by  definitely not made up students.

Baker Science

Out of filtered water, probably gonna contract disease. Good for hide-and-go seek, so a pretty nice date night spot.   

Construction Innovations

I don’t understand the incorporation of “innovation” in the name. It’s just a contemporary building with mediocre lighting. The light sensors in the bathroom require the entirety of the Cha-Cha Slide to turn on (like my ex). 

Cotchett Education

Found a dead bug in my opened Hydro. Figure it will happen again since we have to leave the windows open or the classroom will suffer intense heat exhaustion. Bug is worth it. 

Engineering IV

Where is Engineering I, II, and III? I can’t imagine how poorly designed they must have been to make this the fourth iteration. I know engineers are quite busy, but I thought time for bathroom breaks were still allotted. How wrong I was; bathrooms are nowhere to be found. 

Graphic Arts Building

Came here for a special occasion, taking that GRC sticker-making class, so I was really excited about entering. But the building was cold! I didn’t realize that air-conditioning is a necessity in February. 


Assumed they were closed due to lack of entry. Once seated, my wife and I could not hear the professor who was three feet away. We did hear metal hitting metal, though. I asked for the manager, who I found to take no issue with noise complaints. Guess education is only respected if it’s male-dominated and dabbles in code. 

H.P. Davidson Music Center

A couple of students here had a bad attitude! Tried to make excuses, saying they were rehearsing for Macbeth. Also found a whole wig in a classroom. Never coming back. 

University Union

The coffee house inside just makes bean water. Tastes like Starbucks, gross. No ambiance whatsoever, better to brave Scout’s tiny tables.

Overall Campus Review

Prices were quite high for services offered.

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