Ani Nazarian is an English sophomore and satire columnist for Mustang News. The opinions expressed in this article do not necessarily reflect those of Mustang Media Group. The Monday Manure is a satire column created to find the humor in the daily life of Cal Poly students. If you’re looking for news, this is not […]
Author Archives: Ani Nazarian
Posted inMonday Manure - Satire
Marc Cabeliza elected as first-ever ASI Pope
As white smoke billowed out of the chimneys of the University Union, the crowds in front stood silent as they realized that the first-ever ASI Pope had been selected.
Posted inMonday Manure - Satire
Cal Poly admissions process now replaced by Hunger Games competition
Starting in 2026, Cal Poly’s admissions process will no longer be based on academic achievement, extracurriculars, or hours of community service. As of today, all Cal State schools have agreed to replace the admissions process with a Hunger Games competition!
Posted inOpinion
The Hoof: Finding resolutions we can actually keep
With each passing year, our resolutions seemingly become more and more ambitious, but subsequently harder and harder to achieve. By now, most Americans have already given up on their serious resolutions. This begs the question: have we had it wrong all this time? Perhaps we can benefit from approaching these goals with a different mindset?
Posted inOpinion
The Hoof: fall break at Cal Poly, celebration or frustration?
Written in a listicle structure, this covers the celebratory activities coming with Thanksgiving approaching, and several controversial practices taking place at Cal Poly due to the upcoming holiday. These include skipping out on classes before the week-long break, reactions to the recent election, getting in trouble for cultural appropriation costumes, and arguments that may take place at the dinner table.