Heated Rivalry has taken over everyone’s brain and feeds, and while it’s a great show, it’s important to remember to do your homework and not get too caught up in the fan theories and edits.
Category: Manure Satire
Posted inSatire
JDAWG SAYS: Engineers should stop complaining about finals, give grace to liberal arts
Liberal Arts students should channel their mommy issues into their essays, swap out bar-crawls for coffee-crawls, and prove to their relatives that their degrees are not a waste during finals season.
Posted inMonday Manure - Satire
Dormcest: Do’s and don’ts
It’s no secret that horned-up freshmen are likely to crap where they eat. The hormones and excitement that surround dorm-dwellers are bound to cause some incest in freshman year living spaces. From yakʔitʸutʸu to Muir, North Mountain to Yosemite, no dorm goes unscathed by the looming presence of an awkward hook-up who lives in the same building as you.
Posted inSatire
What to expect going home for Thanksgiving 2025
There’s nothing quite like being home for the holidays, especially Thanksgiving. The smell of freshly-baked pumpkin pie, a house full of family and your parents immediately reminding you why you left in the first place.
Posted inSatire
JDAWG SAYS: Trust your gut, not the government
The Manure is Mustang News’ satire content. JDAWG SAYS is a satirical advice column written by a staff member in Mustang News. This content is intended to be satirical and does not necessarily represent the views of Mustang News. This article contains adult language and viewer discretion is advised. It is crazy how much information […]
Posted inManure Satire
Kennedy Library consumed by glowing black orb
After being under renovation for over two years and reopening in September 2025, the Kennedy Library is unavailable once again, due to an all-consuming, opaque black mass that has overtaken the building.
Posted inManure Satire
Cal Poly dad breaks back attempting kegstand at ZBT
On Friday, October 31st, Cal Poly parent Rick Flannery was hospitalized attempting to kegstand at a ZBT party he attended with his wife, Karen, and daughter, Shea.
Posted inSatire
How to become a professional Yik Yaker
The Monday Manure is a satire column created to find the humor in the daily life of Cal Poly students. If you’re looking for news, this is not it. If you’re looking for sports, this is kind of it, because we’re having a ball. Madi Taylor is a sociology freshman and a satire columnist for […]
Posted inSatire
JDAWG SAYS: The ultimate guide to becoming a Cal Poly gym bro
There are lots of opportunities on our campus that you should take advantage of to get the full Cal Poly student experience and because we pay hella fees. One of these expenses is a mandatory fee that contributes to the Rec Center, which in my mind means mandatory gains. Open 6 a.m. to midnight during […]
Posted inSatire
JDAWG SAYS: Dorm room essentials
New students at Cal Poly – San Luis Obispo are encouraged to fill their dorms with items to show their personality and style, such as a matcha set, vinyl records, Taylor Swift merch, Labubu dolls, vapes, moonbeam ice cream, and Halloweekend costumes.
Posted inManure Satire
Six things to bring up during fraternity rush to guarantee a bid
Fraternity rush brings about the opportunity to meet lifelong friends, share unforgettable memories, and find a sense of belonging. With the second week of Cal Poly fraternity rush around the corner, here are a few tips that are guaranteed to boost your chances with the brothers.