There’s nothing quite like being home for the holidays, especially Thanksgiving. The smell of freshly-baked pumpkin pie, a house full of family and your parents immediately reminding you why you left in the first place.
Category: Satire
Posted inSatire
JDAWG SAYS: Trust your gut, not the government
The Manure is Mustang News’ satire content. JDAWG SAYS is a satirical advice column written by a staff member in Mustang News. This content is intended to be satirical and does not necessarily represent the views of Mustang News. This article contains adult language and viewer discretion is advised. It is crazy how much information […]
Posted inManure Satire
Kennedy Library consumed by glowing black orb
After being under renovation for over two years and reopening in September 2025, the Kennedy Library is unavailable once again, due to an all-consuming, opaque black mass that has overtaken the building.
Posted inManure Satire
Cal Poly dad breaks back attempting kegstand at ZBT
On Friday, October 31st, Cal Poly parent Rick Flannery was hospitalized attempting to kegstand at a ZBT party he attended with his wife, Karen, and daughter, Shea.
Posted inSatire
How to become a professional Yik Yaker
The Monday Manure is a satire column created to find the humor in the daily life of Cal Poly students. If you’re looking for news, this is not it. If you’re looking for sports, this is kind of it, because we’re having a ball. Madi Taylor is a sociology freshman and a satire columnist for […]
Posted inSatire
JDAWG SAYS: The ultimate guide to becoming a Cal Poly gym bro
There are lots of opportunities on our campus that you should take advantage of to get the full Cal Poly student experience and because we pay hella fees. One of these expenses is a mandatory fee that contributes to the Rec Center, which in my mind means mandatory gains. Open 6 a.m. to midnight during […]
Posted inSatire
JDAWG SAYS: Dorm room essentials
New students at Cal Poly – San Luis Obispo are encouraged to fill their dorms with items to show their personality and style, such as a matcha set, vinyl records, Taylor Swift merch, Labubu dolls, vapes, moonbeam ice cream, and Halloweekend costumes.
Posted inManure Satire
Six things to bring up during fraternity rush to guarantee a bid
Fraternity rush brings about the opportunity to meet lifelong friends, share unforgettable memories, and find a sense of belonging. With the second week of Cal Poly fraternity rush around the corner, here are a few tips that are guaranteed to boost your chances with the brothers.
Posted inOpinion
A typical shift as an on-campus Starbucks barista
It’s two o’clock in the afternoon on a random Tuesday of winter quarter. I speed walk from my 12 to 2 class near Dexter lawn to the University Union bathroom, where I swap my tank top for my collared, black uniform shirt. Despite washing it only two days ago, the smell of coffee ruminates from its fabric, permanently ingrained in the fibers. I sprayed it with perfume this morning, but it has worn off by now.
Posted inOpinion
The Hoof: fall break at Cal Poly, celebration or frustration?
Written in a listicle structure, this covers the celebratory activities coming with Thanksgiving approaching, and several controversial practices taking place at Cal Poly due to the upcoming holiday. These include skipping out on classes before the week-long break, reactions to the recent election, getting in trouble for cultural appropriation costumes, and arguments that may take place at the dinner table.
Posted inOpinion
The Scariest things about Halloween at Cal Poly
With Halloween approaching, it’s important to take advantage of all the holiday offers during your college years: costume parties, dressing up with your friends and Trader Joe’s pumpkin-flavored treats. However, over the years, there have been some frightening traditions formed at Cal Poly and in San Luis Obispo during the spooky season. So, while getting in the Halloween spirit, be sure to look out for these 7 scariest things about Halloween at Cal Poly.