It’s two o’clock in the afternoon on a random Tuesday of winter quarter. I speed walk from my 12 to 2 class near Dexter lawn to the University Union bathroom, where I swap my tank top for my collared, black uniform shirt. Despite washing it only two days ago, the smell of coffee ruminates from its fabric, permanently ingrained in the fibers. I sprayed it with perfume this morning, but it has worn off by now.
Category: Satire
Posted inOpinion
The Hoof: fall break at Cal Poly, celebration or frustration?
Written in a listicle structure, this covers the celebratory activities coming with Thanksgiving approaching, and several controversial practices taking place at Cal Poly due to the upcoming holiday. These include skipping out on classes before the week-long break, reactions to the recent election, getting in trouble for cultural appropriation costumes, and arguments that may take place at the dinner table.
Posted inOpinion
The Scariest things about Halloween at Cal Poly
With Halloween approaching, it’s important to take advantage of all the holiday offers during your college years: costume parties, dressing up with your friends and Trader Joe’s pumpkin-flavored treats. However, over the years, there have been some frightening traditions formed at Cal Poly and in San Luis Obispo during the spooky season. So, while getting in the Halloween spirit, be sure to look out for these 7 scariest things about Halloween at Cal Poly.
Posted inSatire
The Hoof: A letter to the real heroes of the strike
Dear Professors holding Zoom classes this week, I applaud your bravery. You are setting great examples for your students because it’s true, some things aren’t black and white. Sometimes, you have to put your very big brain to the task and come up with a solution. And walking by your colleagues actively striking on campus, […]
Posted inOpinion
The Hoof: Seven alternative study locations offered by Cal Poly
Caroline Kelleher is an anthropology and geography sophomore and Mustang News opinion and satire columnist. The opinions expressed in this piece do not necessarily represent the opinions of Mustang News. With the Kennedy Library renovation beginning over the summer, students have found themselves lacking a consistent place to study. Although the school is providing study […]
Posted inSatire
The Hoof: New classes for freshmen expected in 2023-2024 school year
The Hoof is a satire column created to find the humor in the daily life of Cal Poly students. If you’re looking for news, this is not it. If you’re looking for sports, this is kind of it, because we’re having a ball. Ha. Puns. Caroline Kelleher is an anthropology and geography freshman and Mustang […]
Posted inOpinion
The Hoof: A WOWie’s Guide to Cal Poly
The Hoof is a satire column created to find the humor in the daily life of Cal Poly students. If you’re looking for news, this is not it. If you’re looking for sports, this is kind of it, because we’re having a ball. Ha. Puns. Caroline Kelleher is an anthropology & geography freshman and Mustang […]
Posted inSatire
The Hoof: Performing Arts Center releases lineup for spring quarter
The Hoof is a satire column created to find the humor in the daily life of Cal Poly students. If you’re looking for news, this is not it. If you’re looking for sports, this is kind of it, because we’re having a ball. Ha. Puns. Caroline Kelleher is an anthropology & geography freshman and Mustang […]
Posted inSatire
The Hoof: The fast work of the House
The Hoof is a satire column created to find the humor in the daily life of Cal Poly students. If you’re looking for news, this is not it. If you’re looking for sports, this is kind of it, because we’re having a ball. Ha. Puns. Grace Schweitzer is a psychology junior and opinion columnist for Mustang News. […]
Posted inOpinion
The Hoof: School of Witchcraft and Wizardry changes name to Cal Poly – Hogwarts
The Hoof is a satire column created to find the humor in the daily life of Cal Poly students. If you’re looking for news, this is not it. If you’re looking for sports, this is kind of it, because we’re having a ball. Ha. Puns. Elijah Winn is an environmental earth and soil science sophomore […]
Posted inOpinion
The Hoof: Best Places to Study on Campus
The Hoof is a satire column created to find the humor in the daily life of Cal Poly students. If you’re looking for news, this is not it. If you’re looking for sports, this is kind of it, because we’re having a ball. Ha. Puns. Zoie Denton is an English sophomore and Mustang News opinion […]